usage
The use of this piece for purposes other than intended is strictly prohibited. Any violations will result in instant termination, assuming we actually enforce this. Infact let’s just make up a whole bunch of rules.
no cheese cake on monday
no living on tuesday
no escape by wednesday
you’re banned from myspace on thursday
friday we’ll just make something up on the fly, we’ll let you know what it was once you’ve done it and send an e-mail out to everyone to let them know not to repeat your mistakes
yes, the life of a lacky boy.
Be sure to use any spare time wisely, despite the fact that you are underpaid and overqualified, you probably need to learn a lot more. Infact you may as well just learn more than your bosses, you’ll never be promoted but you can still correct their mistakes for them. Just as long as you do it in a way that makes it seem like they were right all along. Otherwise they might question your abilities and decide your conclusion is incorrect, until they later come to the same conclusion themselves or have the same thing pointed out by a higher-up.
Don’t ever ask questions about why things work the way they do, we don’t actually want you to understand, just read from the script. The possibility that you may know more than us is unacceptable. We will enforce this through the use of snide remarks and smart-ass responses to your questions.
Don’t ever get your hopes up, we might say that there is chance of moving up but you won’t get paid much more anyway. Plus keeping morale up just isn’t very important to us. We’ll keep you in the same crappy position long enough for all of your other skills to rot away and then promote you. The fact that you are constantly distracted because your job is way too easy and does not fully grasp your attention will only add to our repository of reasons not to promote you, and we’ll be glad to move you as far away as necessary to keep you from bothering your co-workers. We don’t care if you are trying to prove yourself, we don’t like you anyway. Get back to the script.
By the way, did you see the new special offer we have? 3 months free! Wow! People will never believe we can offer things so cheaply!
In other news we’ve now decided to outsource your job to India. This was our plan all along you see, why bother putting you in a respectable position where you might not be so easily replacable? You may as well start training the new guy, Saheeb.
(in case anyone is wondering this is essentially about me being annoyed about my job, it’s mostly exaggerations, but I am overqualified for the position I’m in and have been consistently underestimated by some of the supervisors. I’ve been asking for them to move me up for a while and have been told to wait numerous times. I’m just a little fed up…)