Xero's other waste of space

I’ve recently in my oddly somewhat more social recent self, discovered some new phenomena worthy of discussion. That’s right, it’s almost been a year, but I’m back.

People have all sorts of hidden expectations and goals when it comes to a social situation. Basically, people are friends when there’s some sort of mutual connection which typically has to serve both sides in somewhat equal proportions or the whole situation gets pretty whack. When one persons expectations of the situation differ from another’s, a disparity of sorts develops in which one person’s expectations may be met and/or partially met and the others are completely messed up.

While being in a few situations recently, I’ve started to realize how fucked up some of the intentions can be. A simple social gesture can be completely misconstrued as to fit into your own reality of expectation and when in truth it had nothing to do with it or simply was misunderstood. I guess my problem in this all is finding my place when I’ve come to realize my expectations aren’t being met, and when others are conflicting, or attempting to sort of twist the situation into their favor.

Maybe in a way I’m starting to just see the people around me better, but I often miss the overall intentions in many people in my ultimate daze of observation. I suppose living in my own reality was nice while it lasted, but now I’ve come to realize that I need to step up my game if I expect others to play by my rules instead of theirs…

All this has really done is cause a bunch of confusion, but on top of that I have to deal with other people’s instabilities and what not, so some of my confusion is justified, and in those cases I’m now learning that it’s probably best to just back off…as much as some people need a shoulder to cry on, I can’t be that person if I’m not getting what I expect out of the situation, as sort of cruel as that sounds. I have enough trouble dealing with my own damn instabilities none the less others, plus half the time that kinda person wouldn’t listen to me anyway, so basically they’re just wasting my time for what’s basically a hit off the obligatory social pipe, and will just go back to their previous state anyway.

I am not your drug, I can’t be used when you please, only to be discarded later when you ignore my advice and shit falls apart anyway. Drugs never solve your problems anyway, they can only enhance situations. If you’re miserable already, get ready to be more miserable, cause that’s essentially what’s going to happen.

And you know what, the so called awkwardness of it all, it’s not really. It’s just not wanting to accept the fact that neither person can really get what they want and kind of cringing in the face of it all, you should have wanted what I wanted! Oh nos. Of course things are never so convenient, lesson learned.

Unfortunately here I am again – stuck learning things the hard way as usual. My years of isolation have yet again failed my social abilities. Hardly surprising I guess, but now it’s time for a crash course because I’m tired of this crap and I’m not going to let it drag me down. When have I EVER taken the easier path in life anyway? I’ve spent my whole life doing things the hard way, because it means I got there on my own terms, fuck all if I stop now.