Xero's other waste of space

Well it’s been an interesting couple of months/weeks/whatever and I’m starting to take issue with some of the missing pieces in my social consciousness and begin to develop them for better or worse. However long and painful this process may be, as usual I already have all the “don’t’s” filled out and the “do’s” empty.

Don’t wait, don’t procrastinate, the time is now! YOU HAVE THE POWER. OMFG.

THE POWER IS YOURS

Yes, my feeble path of existence has taken yet another turn and who knows what will happen now. Will I bust through this wall of doubt in time? Oh, so I fucked up some along the way, but you know what, you start to realize everyone else is fucking up just as much, and sometimes even more so than yourself. And once that realization has come you can finally be freed from the mindfuck.

So I’ve been given numerous pieces of advice.

don’t hesitate, be more aggressive, don’t think about it just do…etc…sounds all so generic. After all, we’re just playing by social expectations here. Male’s are supposed to be domineering or aggressive or whatever, but at the same time i’ve never fit into any social standards. Am I perpetually screwed, or bound to find someone like me? The problem is, many people who share similar perspectives are in far worse situations and I suppose this can be taken too far…

What people say and what people want are often two different things. Some people are users and want abusers, but pretend like they want gentle and kind. Others say they are shy but really just expect you to do everything for them. People are fucked in the head in all kinds of ways and at this point I have trouble comprehending it all. Especially the twisted psycho crap I’ve been dealing with recently, I feel like I’m too old to be playing these kind of games with people. I can’t deal with people stuck in their past, at the same time I wonder how much I might still be stuck in mine…

why the fuck doesn’t this shit just fall together either? is it really just a confidence game? is this like some kind of bullshit job interview? Maybe the general public is just too screwed up to be able to pull off any sort of coherent conversation so it’s all just filled with fluffy lies and comforting story tales. Or maybe it’s just the people I meet…

I hate stupid white lies. I don’t care what you think. Don’t lie to me to make me feel better. I will hate you forever. I am not a woman asking if I’m fat. I expect real answers from real people. If you aren’t a real person, then you are a superficial piece of crap and are basically dead to me. I am tired of this.

I’m starting to be like, what the fuck at this point. You know, there’s a lot of bullshit out there and the filter is being upgraded.

1. I’m tired of people who don’t have their shit together financially and complain about it.
2. I’m materialistic as fuck. That’s right, deal with it. I like things. It’s part of animal nature to claim one’s territory. I’m claiming mine now. I’m tired of people acting like this is some sort of bad thing. Fuck you hippies.
3. I selectively care about things. That’s right, I don’t care about EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME. Chances are, my priorities take precedence over others, if I can’t take care of myself, who will?

If you disagree with me on any of the above things, and then proceed to complain about your problems in life to me, I have the right to tell you to go fuck yourself and/or blow me, as that is the proper payment for being the manwhore you take me for.

I’ve recently been exposed to what I’d like to call hippy intellectualism – it’s sort of half-assed spiritual/philosophical psychobabble wrapped up in a big clusterfuck of mental drudgery. Basically, this is what happens when a bunch of liberals/hippies/activists/etc get together and decide to discuss things with no real methodology, or purpose in a philosophical manner, that the average uneducated person would think of as intellectual.

Basically, it’s like mental masturbation with a lack of insight into much of anything. You’re just playing with yourself in your head, without really saying or doing anything. It’s just like a hippy to be a bum and do nothing, thusly why I call this “hippy intellectualism.”

It’s what happens when you try to over-philosophize everything, turn everything into some sort of mysterious phenomena and then spew whatever thought comes to mind, no matter how brainlessly stupid it really is.

Maybe I’m a negative nancy and my glass is half empty, but i’d rather be the most pessimistic person on earth than some blabbering buffoon spewing pseudo-psychoanalytical bullshit and then acting like I’m intellectual for pretending that any of it made any sense, which of course it doesn’t. I can’t do that to myself.

I also can’t pretend to like these things because I have a lot of friends that do. I suppose a lot of my friends are on the hippy side, but even so, I can’t dumb myself down enough to pretend that this kind of shit is somehow intelligible. It’s a bunch of gibberish prepackaged to look and sound like legitimate discussion, but really it’s just a bunch of hippies who took one too many hits off the pipe. Although that’s just another excuse – pot doesn’t make people blathering idiots like that, it’s when you drop all your inhibitions and common sense and then smoke pot that people start actin’ a fool.

I also hate when people start obsessively liking things that other people like just because they’re friends and/or like that person. It just shows how much of a lack of self that some people have and really, makes it no surprise that they’d fall into such pseudo-intellectual bullshit. It’s also started to make me question the kind of people I want close in my life – I hate raising my standards but I can only put up with so much bullshit. I’ve started to realize that lack of common sense can be a real turn off…

Real intellectuals don’t need to have these bullshit borderline philosophical discussions – they understand the scientific method and logic and know how to obtain results through proper research and how to properly present the results of research in a clear and concise way. The total opposite of this hippy psychobabble which really has no point to make nor any research or results to back it up.

I feel like I’d be doing my friends a disservice to be any less honest, even if it means calling them out on their hippy bullshit, so, to all my hippy friends, consider yourselves educated.

I’ve recently in my oddly somewhat more social recent self, discovered some new phenomena worthy of discussion. That’s right, it’s almost been a year, but I’m back.

People have all sorts of hidden expectations and goals when it comes to a social situation. Basically, people are friends when there’s some sort of mutual connection which typically has to serve both sides in somewhat equal proportions or the whole situation gets pretty whack. When one persons expectations of the situation differ from another’s, a disparity of sorts develops in which one person’s expectations may be met and/or partially met and the others are completely messed up.

While being in a few situations recently, I’ve started to realize how fucked up some of the intentions can be. A simple social gesture can be completely misconstrued as to fit into your own reality of expectation and when in truth it had nothing to do with it or simply was misunderstood. I guess my problem in this all is finding my place when I’ve come to realize my expectations aren’t being met, and when others are conflicting, or attempting to sort of twist the situation into their favor.

Maybe in a way I’m starting to just see the people around me better, but I often miss the overall intentions in many people in my ultimate daze of observation. I suppose living in my own reality was nice while it lasted, but now I’ve come to realize that I need to step up my game if I expect others to play by my rules instead of theirs…

All this has really done is cause a bunch of confusion, but on top of that I have to deal with other people’s instabilities and what not, so some of my confusion is justified, and in those cases I’m now learning that it’s probably best to just back off…as much as some people need a shoulder to cry on, I can’t be that person if I’m not getting what I expect out of the situation, as sort of cruel as that sounds. I have enough trouble dealing with my own damn instabilities none the less others, plus half the time that kinda person wouldn’t listen to me anyway, so basically they’re just wasting my time for what’s basically a hit off the obligatory social pipe, and will just go back to their previous state anyway.

I am not your drug, I can’t be used when you please, only to be discarded later when you ignore my advice and shit falls apart anyway. Drugs never solve your problems anyway, they can only enhance situations. If you’re miserable already, get ready to be more miserable, cause that’s essentially what’s going to happen.

And you know what, the so called awkwardness of it all, it’s not really. It’s just not wanting to accept the fact that neither person can really get what they want and kind of cringing in the face of it all, you should have wanted what I wanted! Oh nos. Of course things are never so convenient, lesson learned.

Unfortunately here I am again – stuck learning things the hard way as usual. My years of isolation have yet again failed my social abilities. Hardly surprising I guess, but now it’s time for a crash course because I’m tired of this crap and I’m not going to let it drag me down. When have I EVER taken the easier path in life anyway? I’ve spent my whole life doing things the hard way, because it means I got there on my own terms, fuck all if I stop now.

So now that acceptance of gay people is slightly above where it used to be, it seems like bi has become the new straight for a lot of people. Okay, not for everyone. There’s still the people who insist they’re 100% straight no matter what and act like they’re disgusted of any other possibilities, but those select few aside, there’s a lot more acceptance of this.

Okay, here’s a few interesting tidbits. Female bisexuals with boyfriends who think it’s cool, cause you know, their girlfriend can have some hot lesbo action. They act like they’re open to them seeing a girl or something simultaneously – until they realized that they’re more emotionally attached to the girl than himself. They’re only okay with it in the same way they’re okay with watching lesbo porn. Sorry, if you’re bi in a straight relationship, you picked a side, don’t pretend you can pick the other and it’ll still be okay. Maybe some people can pull off such a weird relationship – most will fail dramatically.

Then there’s reports that all the chemicals in our food are turning us into a bunch of mutant freaks – feminine males and masculine females in more abundance. Or maybe it’s just the population increase meaning there’s more people like this. Who knows for sure, all I know is that being bi is fine, being indecisive and fucking with peoples feelings is not.

Plus, I’ve never really met anyone who was bi that hasn’t favored one side or the other. Some people say bi is like a gay person in training and/or someone who hasn’t come out all the way, but I’m not convinced that’s the case at all.

An old friend of mine once told me, to truly enjoy sex then you have to be bisexual. An interesting perspective. They went through their varying phases of sexuality in some unusual extremes so I can’t say it’s a quote that represents everyone. However, what I took from it was that you can’t truly enjoy something unless you’ve tried all your options.

Generally when meeting most people, you don’t assume they’re not straight unless there’s something obvious. I’ve noticed that many people are unsure of my sexuality when I meet them, both men and women. Why? I’m not quite sure. Is it because of my long hair and beard, do they think i’m some kind of 1970s latex gimp man, or maybe my sort of lack of socialness towards people, but I don’t know.

All I do know is that I’m not going to lump myself into the indecisive middle group just cause it’s cool. I’m straight and always was – not that I’m one of the macho men type, and not that I can’t be turned on by the same sex – just that I have always desired relationships with women. That’s not to say men can’t ever turn me on or anything, but it’s just not the same thing and wouldn’t be right to me.

Now, I’m not against people who go the other route. I’m not sure if it’s a genetic thing or not, though I could understand the attraction part. I almost feel like people are hated on for saying being gay is a choice – to bisexuals, isn’t that almost the case? They say you can’t choose who you fall in love with, although I’m not the type of person who believes there’s only “one” person out there. So I don’t buy it, basically.

Thus I start to feel bisexuality is used almost as an excuse. An excuse for infidelity, or otherwise. Ladies, it’s not hot, it’s just part of life. Don’t use it to your advantage just cause guys think it might be at first, it won’t be in the end. Men, well, shit good luck. Pull a Larry Craig and see what happens in your marriage.

And now that I’ve pissed off the gay/lesbian/bi community, I should start picking on minorities.

I was tempted to title this article “online dating sites made me hate bisexuals” but given that this article had other real life influences as well, it wasn’t quite right. Your mileage may vary.

I’m not a big fan of these things as you may be able to tell. Well, piercings aren’t as bad, you can take them out and stuff. Tattoos are a lot harder to remove. That’s the real issue.

People who have them are often overly proud about it. I don’t really care too much either way, but if you have to announce it like it’s a disclaimer then I’m not too impressed. It kind of reminds me of the south park episode where they call all of the bikers fags. That’s sort of how I feel about some of these tattoo people.

Also when it ‘s coming from unmotivated jobless bums, and/or people who think being a tattoo artist is a good career choice. It’s almost like saying you want to do graffiti for a living. Except on someones body with a needle for cash.

Honestly, I don’t care that much either way, but if you really are going to do it then you better not be a fool. Also, tattoos can never really make you “hotter”. Sorry if you’re hot and you have a tattoo it’s kind of like you just put a chip in the vase. That’s all I’m saying.

Sure you can get them removed with expensive laser surgery, but it’s out of many peoples price range and probably doesn’t happen as often as you think. Even so, people who get tattoos like on their neck and face and other highly visible places are just asking for failure in life. Don’t go around advertising your foolishness to me.

I’ve been meaning to write something about this for a while. I hate meetings, and for a few good reasons too.

Generally, most meetings are useless and often have a negative outcome. It’s a way to pretend that you’re discussing something in an open manner, when you’ve really already made up your mind. Fact is, most of the decisions are usually made before the decision to meet was. We’re just here to get your input, and by that, we really mean we’re just telling you how it is and will be and want to weed out those who might give us any trouble.

Sit back and quietly listen to the speech, however misdirected it may be, and don’t dare say a word. This is often how most meetings go. Any real issues will likely be handled privately before and after the meeting, without the input of the whole.

Well, you might be saying, this isn’t a democracy, and truthfully it isn’t, but let’s not pretend like it’s all good while we proceed to waste your time with pre-packaged bad news. And maybe the news isn’t really that bad, it’s just different…changes. Well, change isn’t always bad, but any change, even the most minuscule can have a fairly large effect on the morale of the whole. Maybe to the CEO, your vacation time is no big deal, since he’s always off on “business trips” and no where to be found, or maybe that old-timer who’s always calling out with no repercussions. What I’m really saying is that exceptions are always made, but it’s far too easy to make decisions that effect other people in unknown ways when you’re the exception.

And thus meetings. Fact is, most people will live strolling along through the stream of crap since they have nothing better to do, they need money, job provides, bullshit in between, nothing they can do, deal with it.

Me, I manage to put up with it somehow, I speak out in dissent to those I trust, wishing I had the leverage to actually make a difference, but really being out of place in either case. Fact is, here I am writing about it, because some day, I will do it better. I have a job now, but I am young and fairly opportunistic towards running my own endeavors, and when that time eventually comes I will know what to avoid.

Some people have had it easy – what does it matter to them. Well, it won’t win you any fans, and maybe you’re rich as fuck, so who cares, but I will see through your bullshit. I don’t care about social expectations. I am not a “team player”. All that really means to me is someone who mindlessly follows order, like a big pile of group think. I want people to think for themselves and not be intimidated by the decisions being made, rather being part of them.

How is this possible? Well first of all, you can talk to people. Not just your upper management in your private quarters, but the average people in their working environments. What do they care about. Also, different departments might have different needs. Blindly applying the needs of one department to the rest might mean you greatly disappoint a large amount of people while satisfying the needs of one group.

Then there’s just the meetings which are mostly a pure waste of time. These are generally the optional meetings touted as informational and might even have a time limit. Fact is, people don’t need informational meetings, if they need to know something to do their job better, they will ask those around them and/or find the right place to go. If people were really that unmotivated that they need to constantly be brought up to date, something just seems wrong. These meetings often have people dozing off and/or resting their heads on their hands while they stare aimlessly at a power point presentation which is almost identical to the one from two weeks ago.

Meetings aren’t necessary when people are enjoying their job and actually doing what they should. People will naturally convene and discuss things of importance to the task at hand, without the necessity of predefined dates/times, meeting rooms, and other such non-sense.

Things tend to stagnate when people don’t like what they are doing, or when they are doing it purely for the money. Mediocrity is made this way. People will do the bare minimums to get by and try to basically stay towards the middle of the pack – be average.

Trying to make people do more than average means keeping them happy – unfortunately what employees usually enjoy at a company tends to be the very freedoms which get stripped away as a company grows.

It’s like a government in a way, the government starts out with some initial laws, like the constitution and the bill of rights. Skip forward a few hundred years and you’ll have to be read hundreds of thousands of pages worth of law books to fully grasp the laws of a country.

I can’t remember how many times I’ve gotten an e-mail from an employer which was clearly only sent because someone, somewhere, did something stupid and now it’s time to announce whatever it was to the whole company to make sure this doesn’t ever happpen again, by anyone, when it was only one person who had done it.

Even though it’s not usually something I had done, it still angers me. It angers me because I just see one more freedom stripped off the list. Fast-forward a few years in a growing company and those e-mails start adding up. The companies rules to live by and/or employee manuals are updated. Maybe someone was caught doing something naughty on a lunch break, now lunch breaks have to be within the contained area, or at a specific time, or within a specific amount time, however unreasonable it may be. This is just an example.

Such decisions, made in private, applied to the whole, lower morale. I don’t care how minuscule you think the change is, or even if what you’re taking away is so obscure that there’s no way anyone should care, it doesn’t matter. The fact that people see you depriving them of it is enough to do it.

Also, some people are intimidated by power. When an employer asks you what they could to do make things better, most employees are very hesitant to answer honestly, usually giving a round-about answer which misleads the person asking.

Example: “Tuition reimbursement.” Do people working full time jobs really want you to help them pay for more school? Maybe somtimes, but no, they just want you to pay off their pre-existing college loans, which is probably not going to happen in most companies. Also, such a program has no benefit to someone who did not go to school but does their job just as well as the person who did.

Employers/employees, don’t fall into this trap of confusion. You won’t get honest answers talking to employees this way, and unless you really involve these people in your decision making process and earn their trust for real, and not purely by their paycheck, you are unlikely to find out the truth anyway.

Also, never, ever, treat your employees like they owe you for giving them their job. They might be thankful for their jobs, but regardless, you owe them for their work, never the other way around. Don’t act like you’re doing everyone a big favor just because times are bad, you will just be silently resented.

In life, I have extraordinarily low expectations and when someone takes time out of the day to personally greet me and treat me as their god for simply being present, I prefer this.

Normally, people just ignore me, not even giving me a glance, but when I walked into this particular venue, my experience was that of a king. Why, I can’t help but recommend it to all my friends. Clearly this is how everything should be.

You other people don’t understand, everyone’s expectations are already so low. Such insignificant smalltalk, to me, makes the difference. Why, who knows if this was a one-off event, or just a particularly nice person. Okay, so maybe all the staff does act like a big group of happy robots, but then wait a minute, is this really a legit conversation then? But let’s forget about that, I’m a blogger and I have opinions and I thought this was good and you should too. And now you all should spread the word, because the bird is the word.

Look, I’m a blogger and I am an expert. Don’t even think about it.

blogging is not an excuse
blogging is not a job
blogging is not marketing
blogging is the problem

and suicide is the solution.

It’s been a while. I don’t know why, maybe because I moved my domains around and broke my database and didn’t feel like fixing it. Oh well. I’m back.

Twitter sucks. Period. I don’t care what you think it’s useful for. It still sucks. And I’m tired of the people who use it trying to justify it to me. They suck too.

Where do I begin? Okay, I know. It started with text messaging. Okay, some people say it started with facebook which is also sorta true but fuck them. Anyway, text messaging on a phone is the dumbest idea ever. Case in point, you have a god damn phone in your hand, fucking call that person. Really, some people don’t even want to be called and rather be texted? Are people really that socially inept these days? And that’s coming from a recluse like myself, god damn.

Okay but actually I’m starting to come around to text messaging, especially when people leave me these stupid ass voice messages. Okay, just text me, I don’t want to have to listen to you ramble on about some stupid bullshit when I could read it on my screen in 1 line.

I blame facebook.

Twitter sucks. Why? Because it took a stupid feature from cell phones and a stupid feature from facebook and combined them into one giant megastupid cesspool of people’s bullshit that no one cares about. Planning a revolution? Tweet about it! Think someone cares you like that song? They don’t. And I don’t care that you just got your haircut and came back from vacation. Guess what, we’ve all done these stupid inconsequential things. What makes you so special? Oh that’s right, nothing. You fucker. Go drink the magic kool-aid and die already. All the cool kids are doing it, so why aren’t you?

lolomfgmjisdeadkthxbai

Global warming is a fad. I’m serious. While there are some studies that show that the climate has changed over the years following the industrial revolution, it doesn’t mean squat to me. Almost all legitimate reports say, while the warming is happening, the large scale effects are still for the most part unknown. And do you know why? Because humans are insignificant twits.

100 years is nothing. Try a few billion. Suck on that for a few. Fact is these short term changes are indeed happening but with a limited long term history based on fossils and such, we don’t know for sure. So should doing things for the environment make you feel like an awesome person? Well, probably not. Fact is people were tree-hugging long before the global warming fad, but why is it becoming so popular all of the sudden? Is it because of Bush Jr driving the country down the shitter, or false hopes from prophet Obama? Or is it something deeper altogether. I don’t know.

Should you drive a hybrid car? Should you pay for carbon credits? Should you spend all this money on eco-friendly products? For the most part, no. Fact is, every hack, quack, and crook has been taking advantage of the eco-hype for years now. Almost every product is a joke and doesn’t really work.

Hybrids are a good idea in theory but in practice, carrying around the weight of 2 separate propulsion systems and then both gasoline and batteries is not very efficient in terms of weight. Any good car designer knows light weight means less power for the same means. It’s kind of like strapping a 2 ton solar panel onto a 3 ton car trying to make an electric car. It might seem eco-friendly but it’s horribly inefficient.

And why do we need hybrids when Europeans have been making turbo-diesels that can get over 40mpg for years now? And why haven’t any of those been imported into America until very recently with a few Volkswagen models? The diesel mini-cooper gets over 72mpg but you never hear anyone talk about that. It’s all hype about hybrids. At least the new chevy volt is a step in the right direction, going to a completely electric drive-train rather than having 2 separate propulsion systems entirely. We’ll see how it plays out in practice.

All these other eco-products are turning out to be double-sided or otherwise misunderstood. CFL lightbulbs are an example of this. The mercury argument is stupid and I hate the eco-bastards who mention mercury as if elemental mercury is the most deadly thing in the world, when it’s not. So CFL lightbulbs are good then? Well sort of. If you use them in any area where the lights are turned on and off a lot, the ignitors go bad fairly quickly and the bulbs end up dying sometimes very prematurely even.

So, you save some energy costs, then the bulb dies, now the higher cost of the bulb comes back to bite you. So you win some you lose some. The real solution? LED lighting. It’s too expensive out the moment for most people to consider but it is out there.

Often the real solutions aren’t the one’s advertised, and that’s exactly the point I’m trying to make. Lighter cars with turbo-diesels, led lighting, and so on. Don’t even get me started on organic food. Most organic food is horribly inefficient and uses more resources for less food. If you’re an eco-nut and you think eating this supposedly organic food is good for the environment and/or somehow better for you, think again. Recent studies have come out showing it’s not any better or worse from you, and that there’s no evidence from any of these “non-organic” fertilizers and pesticides (which have to go through strict testing procedures) are causing any sort of ailments what-so-ever.

So what is it then? You’re paying more for less. That’s what it is. People follow blindly and do what they are told is good when in reality they should be thinking for themselves and coming to their own conclusions. As always, the followers fall for the pseudo-science spouted by people trying to make a quick buck and nothing really gets done. Eco-fail!

You heard me, fuck ’em. I’m like seriously tired of activists for some reason. I don’t know why, I mean when I was younger I was like always trying to fight against stupidity and what not, but I never did the stupid crap that the average mis-educated activist does.

I just don’t care anymore. Maybe I’m getting old or something but I really just don’t have time to worry about shit which doesn’t directly effect me. Maybe that’s just me being selfish but seriously if it isn’t going to effect me in any way shape or form then it’s probably not that important.

Then there’s just people who don’t shut up. I swear to god if I hear another person talking about global warming or greenpeace or saving the whales or some other stupid bullshit cause I’m going to punch a baby seal in the face. I don’t fucking care, shut up!

And these people always never know what the fuck they’re talking about. They’ll be like protesting against global warming or some shit and they won’t even know a damn thing about it, it’s just like the cool thing to protest against or something. I fucking hate fads, and ecofads are no exception. I want to kill a whale and burn the oil just to spite global warming. Fuck you greenpeace and peta and al gore. ARGH!

So overall I guess you could say my life is going pretty well right now, I got a new job with better pay, more responsibilities, more challenges. Overall a much better experience than my last job…but…for some reason it still feels like something’s missing.

Sometimes I have doubts. At first, I was sort of doubting myself, whether I was up to the job, that kind of thing. Now that it’s been a few months, I’m pretty much settled in and am generally getting through the work assigned to me without much trouble. That’s not the problem now either. What is the problem?

I guess it’s really the same thing that’s always bothered me. I hate taking orders from people. It’s not even that, I hate when people nitpick about things. Maybe I just can’t take criticism or something? This has happened to me before, at my last job and at other places. I know that whatever comments made were not intended to offend, but you know what, they sorta do and not because of what is asked of me, but rather for 2 reasons: the general indirectness of it all, it’s usually kinda ambiguous, so often there’s uncertainty as to whether this comment made was due to a complaint from someone, if it was just something obvious, or if it was a particular event, rather than some sort of general behavior. And if the latter, is it really likely to reoccur? Is it worth the effort?

So yeah, the uncertainty is killer. The second thing is that it’s nitpicky, so it’s usually something that’s kinda dumb and probably better handled some other way anyway. There’s only so much of yourself that you can force onto others, even the followers….

And I think that’s really what it comes back to, I guess I just don’t like changing myself for anyone. I’ve always been like that. I’d much rather be in charge, not because I have some general plan as the new overlord and want to control others, but rather because then I’m not effected by those things that bother me. Maybe that’s kind of arrogant, but then again I haven’t ever met anyone in charge who doesn’t have at least a shred of arrogance.

I know it’s possible. I’ve seen it. My father, my grandfathers, all of them were in charge of their endeavors, store owners, business owners, what not. I guess you could say I’m trying to live up to their standards, but it’s not really about that at all. It’s about doing things the way I think best, rather than the way someone else thinks.

I think about a lot of things, better ways to do things, improvements, what not, I’m always trying to fix things, as usual. Sometimes I feel that the legacy of an existing system prevents new ideas from flourishing. That kind of has a double meaning honestly, as I’m using it to refer to people, but it can apply to any type of system….computers, organizations in general, gatherings, an accounting system, whatever. I want my own system, my own way of things. It can’t be all that bad. Or maybe I’m just being overly ambitious…who knows.

Then there’s things I just plain disagree on. Yes, some people just have preferences I don’t like. I can’t really do much about that one. Some people are easily persuaded, others are not, honestly I’m not going to fight about it either way. The question is, I’ve silently put up with it for years, while deep down always being annoyed by these types of things, will I continue this path forever? It’s not that bad, really, I mean, it could be a lot worse. When I’m at home, all that stuff doesn’t matter anyway…or does it?

Will I sell my soul, or will I some day take control…?

heh, fuck it, I’m still young. time will tell soon enough.

So yeah, I’m starting to seriously get fed up of these people who think that the free market solves everything. At first I thought it wasn’t the worst idea in the world but now-a-days these trolls seems to be popping up all over the place and I’m sick and tired of it.

Okay, first of all, it’s not a free market anymore when there’s giant monopolies all over the place that control everything, at that point it’s really not much better than what happens when communism gone wrong. Think about it, giant companies controlling everything versus communism. It’s practically the same thing, the only real difference at this point is just the bureaucratic bullshit in between.

So to all of those who won’t shut the hell up about how much capitalism rules and how the free market will solve everything, guess what, you’re a communist. Now go shut up and die.

I’m also tired of the people who say that republicans give you more tax money back. This is simply not true unless you’re making over a million dollars a year. Which I’m sure most people reading this are not. Fact is, republicans might give tax cuts to everyone, but the rich are getting most of it. Where as, democrats give the biggest cuts to those in the middle class, only “raising” taxes on people making $600,000 or more a year. Why anyone cares that these super rich are getting their taxes raised, I have no idea. Stupid fucking americans, you’d have to be a complete and utter fool to vote republican making less than a million, but so many do. Fact is, you’ll likely have more money in your pocket and free health care to boot with a democrat. Good luck with either of those things if you vote republican.

Here’s a good article about this in the upcoming election.

Thomas Edison is a douche bag. Seriously, that jackass told us we should be using DC power to power everything. That essentially turns an accidental short into an arc-welder. What a genius. Nicola Tesla was the person who got it right and the true genius at hand. Almost a mad scientist even. One time created a machine that created a resonance throughout the town he resided and practically created an earth quake by accident. Plus he invented the tesla coil. Who else do you know who did that? Not that jackass Edison. He didn’t do shit other than patent a bunch of ideas which for all we know he stole off someone else. He was like the Bill Gates of the late 1800s/early 1900s. Buying other peoples ideas and then re-selling them at a profit. A business man playing the nerdy genius. Sorry, we know better now. Edison, you suck. Give credit to the man who really deserves it, Nicola Tesla.

Did I ever tell anyone that I hate tan chicks? Well, I do.

You know, sometimes in real life I see people who are so superficial it seems they go out of their way to make themselves look like someone they aren’t. Instead of looking anything resembling beautiful, they just look like an artificial piece of shit. Whether it be body modifications like botox or breast implants, or tanning, fake tanning, among other things.

What the fuck, why can’t these people just be comfortable with the way they are? What the hell is the big deal with being white? It’s not like you have it hard or anything. Quit trying to look like a Brazilian hooker with AIDS and maybe you won’t look so terrible.

It’s always the people with low self-esteem and eating disorders. Cry me a fucking river. They talk about their weight and putting on the pounds constantly, as if they are fat to begin with, half the time their rib cage is probably poking out further than their breasts are since they’ve burnt all the fat on their body from starving themselves, so I guess they then have to get implants to compensate. These people make themselves look like freaks then get upset about it and start talking about suicide.

Fuck you. I hate you, you are ugly because you made yourself ugly. Had you not done anything, you probably wouldn’t have looked half bad. Now look what you’ve done, you’re a mess. Quit concerning yourself over stupid bullshit and maybe people will actually respect you for who you are instead of your body. No, instead you’ll wonder why all the guys you get are such assholes.

I’ve drawn a diagram to better indicate the type of person I’m talking about:

Fuck tan chicks and their whiny emo-bitchery. Go jump off a bridge and die.

Following the tradition of my last post, I’ve decided to make another post about everyone’s favorite subject, religion.

Religion is gay. That’s right, you’re a fag if you like religion. Therefore you can do us all a favor and stone yourself to death for being the good little sinner that you are. Religion is a fad of the weak. In America religion has quickly lost all value. Being religious and republican and yet having practically no morality what-so-ever is so stereotypical at this point that I’m starting to think all politicans are gay. Which gay? Buttsex gay, or gay-by-religious-proxy? These days, it’s hard to tell.

Actually the real reason I’m writing this is because of christian rock bands. That’s right, this garbage should be burned along with a pile of bibles in public display. It seems too stereotypical that the religious fucktards are then listening to christian rock bands and/or christian metal bands which I didn’t even know was a seperate sub-category of suck until I looked up what that shit-containing* band P.O.D is classified as.

You know what, at this point I stopped hating all religions equally. I’m starting to hate christ-based religions the most now and I’m blaming it on christian rock bands. If there’s an ex-jew you should be worshiping, it should be me, since I rule far more than that fucktard jesus ever could. Fuck ’em.

If you wish to be spiritually raped and morally molested then look no further than the holy spirit, teaching your children naughty words and making your dog pee on the carpet. That’s right, Christianity is the root of all evil. For there is no true satanism, at least not in the way you’d think. The so called religion known as satanism has little to do with the satan and hell of christianity but rather is more of a hedonism of sorts.

Fact is, Christianity is both god and satan, heaven and hell, and the fools believing in it are doing nothing but creating delusions of eternal bliss and fear. That’s right, fear, not eternal pain. For what is christianity but a religion of suppression, denial, and fear. You are all the puppets of false hope and purveyors of fear. Now die and go to hell like a good christian.

*perhaps a synonym of fudge-packing?

So I was recently confronted by a religious person regarding the “meaning of life” and I felt my response to this was worthy enough to be posted here.

The whole concept of needing to have some sort of reason to live is somewhat silly in the first place. I don’t need to justify my existence, I’m fairly certain I’m here so what else is there to prove? This isn’t even something I think about, honestly, because it’s not important.

Why create voids where there are none? That’s essentially what it comes down to. By asking a question with no real answer such as “what is the purpose of life” you are essentially creating a void that you now will try to fill with whatever bullshit that fits, whether it be christianity or scientology or some sort of pseudo-scientific string theory bullshit, it doesn’t matter.

Not to mention there’s a huge difference between the question “is your life meaningful?” which is more of a question of self-esteem and “what is the meaning of life?” which is more of a philosophical question. In either case, I’m not so conceited as to think that everything I do in life has to serve some sort of divine purpose, fact is most people just aren’t that important and only a select few will be remembered in history. That doesn’t mean your life was meaningless though, society is like a living organism and everyone in it is part of the future and past of that organism, so even if as an individual you won’t be remembered, the things that generation did will be passed onto the next.

And when it comes down to it, a big giant meteor could hit the earth tomorrow and it’s all gone in seconds. Does that have meaning? If the universe is just a series of chemical reactions and if that particular series of events was inevitable given the previous set of reactions, then yes, it would have meaning. Is that important though? not really. Fact is, you can pretty much give meaning to anything, that doesn’t mean it’s important.

I’ve come face to face with death in many ways and try to avoid it as much as any other sane person, but I don’t need to constantly fear it, I’ve gotten myself into plenty of binds doing just that. In either case, I’m not all too optimistic about that whole eternal life thing working out, far too narcissistic. Have you considered re-incarnation instead maybe? I hear it’s got some perks.

I generally reject the term atheist due to the fact that it’s almost become a religious label, I prefer to say I have “no religion” or am “religionless”, I basically consider term religion or religious as just not applicable to me. I don’t want to have a religious label, I find it somewhat offensive.

I rejected religion when I was probably around 8-10 yrs old, I sorta felt pressured and didn’t really buy into what I was hearing. I grew up in a jewish family in america, meaning I was part of a minority already, jesus and santa claus were already foreign to me and my own religion didn’t seem all that much better, I guess when you are already an outsider, being a little bit further outside isn’t all that much different, but I digress. According to the “good book” jews are the chosen people anyway and don’t really have a hell, so I guess if all else fails I’m still on gods side right? What a crock. Not to mention the worlds top 3 religions are basically all based on the same book.

I don’t need predefined sets of rules to live by. Fuck morals, fuck manners, fuck tradition, fuck 2000 year old books. I will create my own path in life. I don’t need to follow what others say.

So it’s been a little while and it’s become apparent that the secret is out again. That’s right bitches, I’m back and I’m ready for more action. Let’s start by being a completely arrogant asshole as usual:

It would seem that I’ve started a fad with this whole pseudo-intellectual thing. Oh well, I’m used to other people using my ideas, even if it’s only a mockery of said ideas. Ah well, can’t win ’em all. Fuck those trend following drones! In other news, mediocrity has reached an all time high, oh wait it’s mediocrity. Yes, the story of my life in it’s current form….mediocre job, mediocre living situation, everything is mediocre, maybe that means I’m middle class? Woohoo, mediocrity for the win (aka lose). High-class idiots, mediocre morons, poor fools.

So I’m fairly tired after a long night of partying and I don’t really have much to say other than that I had a fairly good time and no one died and stuff. Maybe I should try something new? Like what? Who knows. I’m just free-associating at this point. I haven’t really had any specific issues on my mind as of recent so I’m kind of just writing this simply due to lack of updates. Pointless huh? It’s hard to be an asshole without something to be an asshole about. Things never work out as planned I guess. I can always talk about how much I rule. That works.

In other news yet another party tomorrow morning and more activities on the way. Work is still retardedly easy and underpaid and I’m still being lazy about finding another job but hopefully one of these factors will change soon. We shall see soon enough I guess. At least I’ve been self-improving my other interests in the interim, then again I’ve been learning new computer stuffs as well so I guess I just rule more in every aspect. Yes, that’s right, you still suck and I rule more than ever before. I’ve decided to do something I haven’t done in a long time: I’ve made a diagram to better display just how much you suck and I rule:

That’s right, now beg for forgiveness like the bitches you are. As you can see on the bar graph, I clearly rule a multitude more than anyone else ever possibly can.

Now all I have to do is sit and wait, surely someone will think I was writing about them and take this personally, amirite????////// Of course I am.

Contrary to popular belief, I may not be quite as stupid as you think. You know, sometimes I see people who take specific actions just to get some sort of reaction out of me, often I will not react just out of spite, even though I know full well whatever it is they’ve done. I find it almost amusing.

I can’t stand it when people are indirect with me, so if you are not going to be forthcoming about something, I just don’t give a crap and won’t react to your subliminal messages. That doesn’t mean I won’t hear those messages, I see the bait, I’m just not biting. Have fun with that.

In other news, life isn’t fair and what not. More on that later.

I’m tired of people who read the stuff I write on here and later seem to indirectly dispute something I’ve said without actually mentioning the fact they are talking about something I wrote here. I think what most people don’t realize is that generally by the time I’ve written something here, I’ve already thought about it for a good long time and have already come to a fairly concrete conclusion on the subject. These are my general thoughts at the time about certain things, it’s not exactly open for public discussion. If you aren’t forthcoming that you are trying to dispute something I wrote on here, generally it just makes you look like a total douche bag because your suggestions are likely to be useless or irrelevant by the time I’ve heard them.

Plus, I don’t really give a damn if you disagree with me, that doesn’t really mean I was wrong anyway. There’s plenty of shit on here people would disagree with yet is fairly accurate, so I don’t want to hear it. Everyone’s got their own damn opinion, deal with it. I am especially annoyed at some of the people who try to do this stuff, it seems like no one has a damn clue anymore and it’s unfortunate. And there’s also the group of people who always think I’m talking about them when I’m not. If you feel any of these things applicable to you, this is a sign that you shouldn’t be reading this. None of this is intended to be taken personally. When I’m bitching about something, I generally do it in such a broad manner that it could basically apply to anyone, plus I tend to exaggerate. If this isn’t obvious, you are a moron. Take that personally why don’t you.

And life isn’t fair. You know, someone recently said something to me which was quite insightful, while what they said wasn’t genius, it made a lot of sense to me. Those who are slackers will favor other slackers, those who are hard workers favor other hard workers, those who are stupid favor others who are stupid, those who are smart favor others who are smart. Look at the president, I rest my case.

However when this is applied to the work place or something like that, it becomes obvious when a pattern emerges. I’ve heard terms like “the buddy system” used, among others. And it’s mostly true from what I can see anyway. People will favor those who are most similar to themselves rather than those who are most capable. And thus, life isn’t fair. However, this is no reason to give up, rather I see it as a reason to instead make more opportunities for myself, rather than waiting on those around me who’ve already failed me. I suppose eventually there will be some kind of perpetual line that needs to be crossed in order to kick-start such an endeavor. It’s hard to make those kind of decisions when you’re pissed off though.

I could try to fake it. That would almost be too easy. I’m too damn honest of a person to try and be someone who I’m not just so I can get along better with people/exploit such a system. I think I’ve touched upon something like this before. To be honest, in some sort of weird masochistic way, I think sometimes I like it when people hate me. It doesn’t really discourage me, if anything it can end up boosting my confidence. I’m really not that hard to get along with. I’m generally pretty a serious person internally, but the things I say outwardly are often exaggerated, or otherwise not so serious. I think once you understand this simple fact, I make a lot more sense.

Also I’m really bad at describing myself, so generally anything I’ve ever said about myself is probably wrong or exaggerated or only applicable to a specific point in time. So you can ignore what I’ve said above, and you may as well ignore what I just said now too. I often will make it seem like one particular subject is the only thing I’m interested in when really it’s only one particular thing I enjoy. IE: a specific type of music, or computers. It’s not really intentional, rather it’s somewhat of a side effect of the way I am.

Anyone who knows me already knows this though. I shouldn’t have to explain myself. In fact, don’t make me explain myself, it’s useless. And don’t smile at me when you disagree with me and don’t want to admit it. I see through your lies. And don’t try to make me bullshit you on purpose, I won’t.

I’m getting sick and tired of intelligence games.

This is a statement which could be taken quite a few ways I’m sure, but in this particular case, it could really mean any game that some sort of intelligence is associated with. First thing that comes to mind it chess, and recently it’s been the Rubik’s cube.

These things don’t make you smart. These are things some autistic kid will beat you at hands down if they so desired. Or some jackass biggot self-hating jew like Bobby Fisher. Fuck that asshole. I mean, what’s the point? Memorization, pattern recognition, whatever. I don’t really care, these games don’t interest me and they have nothing to do with intelligence.

Maybe I’m just not a very “fun” person, I’ve never had much of a competitive side. Maybe that’s why some people get so pissed off when they try to compete with me, I’m just not participating in their stupid mind games. Sometimes it seems that certain people have some kind of point they’re trying to prove to me with it all, but to be honest I’m just not biting, I don’t care. Play your stupid games but keep that shit to yourself. I’m not playing some stupid game just to impress someone else, essentially turning it into a game of ass-kissing. And you know what, that’s exactly what I’ve seen going on.

Such rudimentary skills serve no purpose to me in the real world. There’s a few games I used to play a good amount of back in the day and still do occasionally, solitary mahjongg, tetris, some first person shooters, those little metal things where you’ve got to get the ring out of some kind of bendable structure, oh whatever, it doesn’t matter. I didn’t play these games to impress people or prove intelligence, my main reason for playing such games was entirely to pass time, back when I actually had large amounts of free time.

Now I have a job, I don’t have quite as much free time, so I just don’t play these games anymore. They were never that important to me anyway. However, some people have the nerve to play stupid games like this while on the job. And they’re still getting paid for it and bragging about how it’s some sort of intelligence enhancing bullshit. My only response to this? Fuck you.

You know, I’ve been disrespected enough times as it is, but I’m generally not a slacker, regardless of whatever the arbitrarily generated statistics say. I go to work and I pretty much sit there and work the entire day. I won’t deny that sometimes co-workers can distract me into side conversations, but this only happens occasionally and hardly to the same extent. I can’t help but feel the lack of discipline which I see on a daily basis is inevitably going to lead to a lack of respect and a lack of respect in that type of environment basically means you’re worthless in the long run.

Thank goodness I may have some more opportunities coming to me shortly.

On a side note, this has suddenly reminded me of the term “team player” and “being a team player”. Fuck that. I’ve always been a very independent person and generally try to figure things out myself before relying on someone else. Does that make me not a team player? Who knows. I just hate depending on other people because generally the only person I can trust in my current work environment is myself. The majority of people that I’m around are far too full of themselves to give me any more insight into much of anything. They might be able to help me solve a puzzle though. Fuck that. I wish I was just being cocky, I really wish that’s all this was.

It’s not. It’s a double standard. Everyone else can be cocky towards certain individuals and it’s perfectly acceptable, but there’s some sort of arbitrary line which you’re apparently not supposed to cross. I think by now most people know that I’m somewhat of a perpetual line crosser. If you draw a line you are doing nothing but tempting me. And I love doing things out of spite, this is my ultimate revenge. What can I say, I’m not a very difficult person to please. Shit, I’m writing this entry out of spite. Take that!

I’m also sick and tired of people claiming that I’m rude or disrespectful because of really minute stupid little shit that anyone who’s half sane wouldn’t even care about. To be honest, I think it’s more rude and disrespectful to be wasting my time with such vague gibberish. If you aren’t going to be entirely forthcoming with me and just tell me partial details or what not, I’d rather you just not say anything. Otherwise, you’re just making things worse.

And god damnit, I’ll be loud if I want to be. Not everyone is born equally, not everyone has worked as hard for identical achievements. Maybe I have gotten where I am with little difficulty, maybe that has made me cocky, but if you spent twice the time and hours of your life in schooling and studying for the same result? Maybe I am just a little bit better than you in the long run. Or does my lack of social skills make us even? I guess that depends entirely on who I’m talking to, seeing most people have no issue with me except for the uptight nerds. I’ve talked about them before. They’re the ones that lose when I win.

You know, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I always get what I want. This has nothing to do with what is given to me, I work for what I want, and I may not even have to work as hard for it as others would have. And if that’s made me cocky, so be it. In the end, you lose and I win, so I don’t care. One particular job, situation, event, whatever, does not change this. Til the day I die, I will always do whatever necessary to get what I want. You can’t stop me.

And if that pisses you off, maybe your stupid ass should take some initiative and try it out for yourself instead of taking out your frustrations on other people.

Things are too repetitive right now. Same old bullshit day in day out. Equal proportions of flowing crap in every which direction.

Actually it’s not that bad, I’m just a bit tired of work. I’m still getting a lot of stuff done at work, I generally try to keep my personal crap out of the actual work that I do, so even if there’s something bothering me I can still be productive. Which is sort of scary in a way now that I think about it. I have always been a bit compulsive so I guess it’s not a big surprise…I also generally deal with the stupid crap on my own time, like now.

More than anything, I’m tired of petty bullshit. I seem to keep being singled out over petty bullshit and to be honest I’m having a lot of trouble taking any of it seriously. I keep thinking to myself, this has got to be a joke. I’ve been trying to basically just stay out of peoples way but some stupid shit seems to happen anyway.

I’m not there to make friends, heh not anymore anyway. At the same time, it shouldn’t be some kind of hostile environment. That seems to be what has occurred regardless. I think I’ve basically lost trust in the whole thing at this point. I know I’ve always been a little weird, but at this point, it’s gone pure overkill. If things were really as bad as some have made them out to be, I’d be having like severe social deficits all over the place and honestly, that’s really just not the case. I love how in an environment basically full of computer nerds with cocky attitudes, I’m somehow the cockiest one. Sorry, this is crap. I can’t help but feel that maybe this just isn’t the best environment for me. I’m starting to feel I need something I can take a bit more seriously.

All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.

Jack ain’t know shit.

It seems like blogs for some people have become just an extension of the journal fads of years past. Anyone remember livejournal or xanga? It seems like they have almost become unheard of in these days of myspace and blogs, which seems to have much replaced the whole concept of a community journal.

Those who have been reading this “blog” for a long time know that it was originally a livejournal, which is still partially alive at http://lx-xero.livejournal.com/ and I also crossposted to a xanga for some time though at this point I’ve stopped posting to both and only use wordpress since it’s easier. I still hesitate using the word “blog” to describe this thing, since it was originally a livejournal and that’s technically a journal right? I don’t really care what it is, it’s my waste of space.

However I can’t help but feel that this concept of a blog, in particular using certain pieces of software considered blog-worthy, like WordPress or MovableType, has become a fad in itself, just as livejournal and xanga had in the years before. As those fads eventually died out, new ones replaced them and it’s starting to seem that this recent blog trend is no different for some people.

I think with the name blog, online journals or commentaries or whatever the hell these things are, got more popular. The name blog was the official name such a thing could now be called and understood by to the masses. And as usual, the masses follow like the puppets that they are.

When I started this thing, I didn’t even know of the word blog and it wasn’t until years later that the word became so popular. Anyway, I conclude that the word blog is stupid and I hate trend following drones. What else is new.

People hate me. Wait that’s not new either. Oh well, I’ll try again harder next time. Seriously though, there’s just something about me that drives some people absolutely mad, while other people will have absolutely no problem with me what-so-ever. And there’s usually equal proportions of both of these groups of people to go around. However, the really fucked up people are the ones who hate me but kind of just pretend nothing is wrong, letting out their hatred in bizarre ways instead of just letting me know. There’s also those love/hate types of people who can’t seem to make up their mind. Regardless, they always seem to be coming back for more.

After all, I’m used to it at this point. People just don’t get how I think and mistake some of my non-actions as some sort of malicious intent. Blowing things out of proportion, or maybe just plain misunderstanding me, who knows. After all, I’m just some cocky know-it-all, right? If only things were really that simple. I think part of my problem is that I’m too damn honest for my own good sometimes. Sometimes people don’t want to hear the truth, they want some buttered up bullshit that they can take rectally if necessary. And I’m not serving that right now, ass kicking is only item on the menu right now.

You know, I’ve always been bad in groups, people seem to always think I’m obnoxious or shy, depending on the type of group. I suppose there’s room for improvement, but I hate the thought of having to bullshit people in order to make amends with those who have a problem with me. This is essentially what many people do and I sort of feel that it’s unfortunate that some people can’t be forthcoming. I kick asses, I don’t make flower bouquets.

I think part of my problem is that I really haven’t been challenged mentally in a while. I haven’t had a good opponent, someone to kind of test my limits with, make sure I have my head on straight. I think this is why I started taking up some other hobbies recently, however many of these are long term efforts and this is still only a self-challenge, something I could essentially give up on with little rebuttal if I were so inclined. Which I won’t , but it still doesn’t fill the void. I think maybe I’m looking in the wrong places.

I don’t have time for childish bullshit. You know it wasn’t so long ago someone called me immature, I sort of felt like, what the hell does this person know? After all, I’m probably much more mature than the average person my age in many ways, I think sometimes people take for granted as to how young I actually am.