Xero's other waste of space

I think some people tend to act extremely different when in a social groups vs when it’s one on one. When dealing with a specific person in a social situation their personality drastically changed as they saw me associate with people other than themselves and in different ways.

My joking around was suddenly more offensive even though the same jokes would have not been offensive in one on one contact, I was not acting any differently than normal. It seems though, that some people cannot act normal in social situations with more than one person, and tend to get greatly offended.

I’m scolded for being cold and called names and other such things for my “behavior in public” basically. It seems as I offended their friend, or they feared I had, or they saw me acting the same way I treat them to other people, and suddenly got offended.

Maybe they wanted special treatment? Maybe they wanted to be the center of attention? I am not too hard to get along with and do so pretty easily with most people, even if I don’t particularly like them. As long as it’s short contact, I’m usually alright. I joke around, and no one usually has a problem with this. I may seem cold but you’d have to really not understand me to assume that I am blind to emotion.

It’s easy to assume from much of my writing and the kind of things I say, I tend to joke around with things, sometimes even in situations where it may be inappropriate, but I have to take a humorous stance to life, because there’s no reason to be grumpy over things.

That’s why despite being called names, attacked, called a bad person, being told I don’t live up to expectations, among other things, I’m not really that offended. I can’t dread over it, because I came into this whole thing expecting problems, and in fact left the friendship before, only to have them return, multiple times. Why? I had been told by another, and later them, that they got something out of our communications.

I think what they got was someone who challenged their beliefs and behaviors. I think that I truly did help them see certain things, even though they’d never admit it. I’m not trying to claim credit though, even if I didn’t help it doesn’t matter, because I don’t get an ego high out of it or anything. I’m made out to be some spoiled kid and what not and I can’t mention the numerous times I’ve been told that, usually by them. It’s always in defense and has no real merit, because it doesn’t really make me right or wrong even if I am some spoiled kid.

Of course it’s not about right and wrong, or so that’s what we blinded ourselves to think. I admit that in the past I had said it’s not about right or wrong when it in the end was. The true outcome was unknown at the time so my statement was premature to begin with but ended up being wrong. Can’t be right all the time.

I can admit to being wrong, as I’ve stated many times before. In fact I’ve done it a few times just today. I was told that I had made claims that they had problems which they didn’t, which made no sense, as I didn’t say they had any problem and just asked them to verify my statements. They claim it was kept impersonal but it was so obviously personal it wasn’t even funny.

I’m a fucking prick and a joke with too much god damn money. Right. In fact right now I have just about no money, and only material possessions. I don’t brag about it. I’m not going to feel guilty just because someone happens to be less fortunate than I am. In fact when it comes to technological possessions we both have pretty similar stuff, even if their stuff isn’t as good, or is better than mine, does this matter?

No, because the attacks were just that, attacks. They had no logic behind them and were just ways for them to push me away, reasons to hate me, rationalizations. If they want to hate me so be it. I still won’t know why but I really don’t care that much because I can’t care for someone who won’t care for me, who won’t trust me, who puts me down for no good reason and quickly dismisses or ignores my defenses with no good reason.

Surely it’s a difference in opinion but there’s obviously some flawed philosophy mixed into this. Maybe it’s both of us, maybe just one of us, I don’t know. What I do know is that I don’t feel as if I did anything wrong, and was not trying to offend anyone. I was just chatting in a chat in which they initiated, and I guess they felt I wasn’t behaving in a manner which they agreed.

From all the behavior I saw, I made the guess that they didn’t like it when they weren’t the center of attention. I was chatting away pretty well in there and wasn’t really conflicting with anyone. Then here they come and basically jump in out of no where and start attacking us. Later they justified this as just having their own opinion but it was very obvious they were quite angry, and through whole conversation until the end anger was very evident.

I don’t like diagnosing people, but I am yet again reminded of a hunch I’ve had for quite a long time. Histrionic personality disorder. This person, for as long as I known, loved being the center of attention, whether it be speaking gibberish or making fun of people, they had to be the center in group contexts.

A. Uncomfortable if not the center of attention. Covered this. Pretty sure, even though they denied it.

B. Inappropriate provocative or seductive behavior. They always have had a large following of men behind them, and were always much of a flirt. They described themselves as a player once. This one rang a bell.

C. Shallow and rapid changing emotion. Do I even have to explain this one? I’ve never met someone who could change emotion as quickly as them, any little thing could make them angry and switch emotions big time.

D. Uses appearance to draw attention? Not that I know of but they don’t seem to care about looks all that much – which is something I actually admired.

E. Speech that lacks in detail and excessively impressionistic. Definitely. During the whole argument they wouldn’t specify any details at all. They haven’t ever been much for details, all talk and no walk.

F. Theatrical, self dramatization, or out of proportion expression of emotion. YES! They always proceed to talk about how they’re very emotional, and constantly say how I lack emotion and what not. While I’m not the most emotional person in the planet, their emotions are always quite dramatized and especially past events, which get held as grudges more often than not. Their feelings about love also seem to be very exaggerated, though they dismiss my saying that, as I’ve apparently never experienced it. I honestly believe they just get obsessed with people and call it love when shit hits the fan. In the past I had even seen them become oddly obsessed with people they didn’t even know, and had trouble getting over it. They had basically been stalking them at one point.

G. Easily influenced, suggestible. Their numerous trust issues make this one very plausible, even though I may not have personally seen them as gullible, they described numerous occasions in which they had been taken advantage of. There’s also many drug issues they got influenced into as well, but I’m not sure if this counts.

H. Feels even a sociable relationship is intimate. This one is very similar to provocative or seductive manner. I can recall in the past how they talked about just how close they’d get to some people which at the time they considered friends. Of course their friends are always shifting around because it’s a constant game of betrayal and trust in their mind.

They also have some symptoms of some other personality disorders, mainly borderline, and paranoid. Borderline has symptoms of paranoia though, so who knows. Many psychological problems are tied together with others, and much is still unknown. Of course they made a comment that they don’t have any problems and it’s all my fault. This was contradictory to a previous statement made the day they came to me being quite upset that I had left, and admitted to having many problems that hadn’t been dealt with.

You could say that I’m trying to diagnose them to avoid having to say it’s my fault. That might be so, but I find it unlikely, because of the fact that this emerged during a social event, in which they hadn’t even been talking at the time, but as soon as they did, suddenly they had to make a scene. They attacked me and another person (who they don’t consider a friend but was for some reason invited to the chat) and basically disregarded us as assholes. This other person I’m not even friends with and we were debating something, so we weren’t even agreeing, but that didn’t matter. It was pretty innocent, and we had no real problem. My so called friend did though.

They proceeded to attack us both and made comments which were pretty offensive. They were provoking and not very logical. They later said something about how they don’t like to debate the way we were as if they had a better way, and that it was just some kind of ego/power trip thing, and built upon testosterone. Most of their comments were sexist, racist, and otherwise plain out stereotyping. They claimed they weren’t but it wasn’t the first time I had heard them rationalizing offensive comments. And they claim the previous events were just joking around, humor.

I guess when they use that as a defense it’s okay but when I use it it’s not. [EDIT: After further analysis I’ve noticed that almost every time they made offensive comments like the ones I mentioned above they were in group context.] Not that my defense isn’t true, though. I was being sarcastic and admit that I had been basically picking on people – but it wasn’t personal, nor bullying. Just plain old fucking around. Sarcasm. It was obvious too. Nothing more than I do in my journal numerous times per week.

And that had never been a problem with them, until this group context came into the picture. It seems their behavior changed greatly in a group context. And I just happened to be a victim of that. What am I do to? I was already prepared to lose a friend, so I don’t really have a problem at this point.

I didn’t appreciate them attacking my personal situation and other such things as a defense at all. I don’t know if they were in the right mind or not but they certainly weren’t acting themselves. They said they had done some drugs which they had been coming down from, they said they might get really angry or something. Maybe this was that? I don’t know though.

Even if it was I don’t think I can ever forgive them again at this point. Knowing me, I probably would though. Ah well, sometimes I’m just too nice to people. And that’s coming from a person as cold and heartless as me. Well, at least according to them.

Seriously though, I think I’ve had it. I do not want to be abused any longer and I’ve given them way too many chances. I can’t worry about it if they think it’s all my fault. They claim they help people through problems and what not but I suppose trying that out on me didn’t work so well. I didn’t ask for their help. I don’t think they’d be capable of helping me anyway. They should deal with their own shit first. I don’t see how lashing out and calling names is very helpful. I don’t really think they were trying to help me though, just push me away.

I think they should stop claiming they’re such a good person and acting as if they have the best motives when they’ve so many times done things which are quite objectionable, including this. Why would you even have to claim those kind of things if it were not true to begin with? I think part of it has to do with society expecting this innocent thing but on the other hand much of it is stuff they brought upon themselves.

I deal with my shit though, because I do care. I can’t say that about everyone though. Even if I haven’t changed in a way they preferred, it doesn’t mean I’m worse off. I don’t think their views of how people should be are very good.

Living in a world with sets of abstract rules. Rules made for our survival and rules that most follow without questioning the reason behind.

Chemical reactions evolved into organisms which all carry out predefined tasks required to survive and reproduce. Work and sex and learning the standards in which society expects and projects upon others.

I don’t see the purpose. What is the purpose of all this? When I look at human behavior and compare it to some bacteria fighting for survival in a petri dish I see little difference. I see the way we’ve adapted technologies to be able to support more of our specie and entertain us while we’re doing nothing.

I see the way most blindly follow. I see the way the world works in a perspective much different from others.

Some people think I’m lost from reality because I don’t obey by all the rules. I say that I’m closer to reality and have seen enough to ask, what’s the point?

What is the point of our existence and the things we do. Why do chemical reactions evolve and form beings? And when they do what’s the difference from when they don’t? What’s the point of following all the rules? What’s the point of doing the things we need to survive? To prevent pain? To prevent feelings our preprogrammed bodies tell us are bad? To let the mind cloud reality? Why survive?

Why benefit ourselves? Just because we’re surviving who says we have to? By blindly following the rules of society it leaves unquestioned the purpose of it all. Most people will just leave that to some silly religious meaning.

What is the point of all this? Is this a waste of time? It’s starting to seem like it as days go by. I’m starting to see. I’m starting to see the patterns of everyone else and realize how pointless it all is. So what happens if I do nothing?

I’ve never truly did nothing. My feeble human body is incapable at the moment. What about when I die? The world still goes on without me. And with that the whole pattern continues and the question still must be asked, why?

I guess chemical reactions will happen no matter what so things will go on. The things we do and say and the jobs we carry out and the miscellaneous events that occur during the day all these things are chemical reactions. Even social events are chemical reactions. They’re the chemical reactions of socialization. A process that was invented from the atomic evolution into material forms which then evolved to be able to create a sub-reaction to further benefit our survival.

And still the question is unanswered. There’s no point. So why do anything? To enjoy it? It still is pointless. I can obey by the rules. I can go get a job and find a girl and have kids and do all the typical events that humans do and I still will ask, what’s the point?

I might experience pleasure and pain and I still will ask, what’s the point? I will never understand the purpose of this weird weird place we live in and at that the universe it just happens to be sitting in.

I’m not confused or afraid, I’m not angry or upset, I’m not happy or sad, I’m not depressed or manic, I’m not any silly rationalization of the fact that I don’t really care about obeying the rules of a system I see no point to. I’m not going to let my words be denied by ignorance.

I don’t care about some silly governments fighting it out, I don’t care to fight for one, I don’t care to benefit any specific group, I don’t care to help the needy, I don’t care to save the planet, I don’t care about the survival of the human race, because I still don’t see the point.

I don’t care enough to be told what I can and can’t do by threats of enforcement agencies and waiting games. What’s the point? The ones who don’t benefit the survival of the human race, or more specifically the group which the individual lives in, get thrown away. We’re chemical reactions fighting it out just like bacteria in a petri dish, and who has the right to tell me that I must also join in on the fighting? Why must I pick a side when both sides are wrong? Who says I have to fight? People who are blind from reality, that’s who. The people who make the rules we obey by. The leaders appointed by humans for humans using more layers of systems and structures that we’ve built. The people who are appointed to lead and/or benefit a specific group of humans, of which almost all are lost from reality.

There’s no point to any of it, it’s all just a silly game to see who ends up the victor in a fight for survival and then in the end the sun burns out and we’re all trashed and the process repeats all over again in some distant galaxy far away.The only point anyone can ever come up with is some silly point which is only beneficial to the human race, and at that, what’s the point? What does it matter if we’re here or not, other than some selfish desire or instinct? Can you say things are better or worse with or without us? And at that you have to realize better and worse are just silly things we invented. So there’s no point to that either.

There’s really absolutely no point for me to do anything so if I am going to do something I might as well do what I want to do. I don’t even know what I want to do. What’s the point of doing something? I certainly don’t want to do the stuff other people tell me to do, because that stuff is even more pointless. A flawed system has no point.

I really wish I could truly not care about a damn thing. It’d make all this pointlessness a lot easier to handle. I’m tired of flawed systems. I’m tired of the false reality that others believe in. I may be lost but certainly much less so than the majority.

Don’t tell me what to do if you don’t see what you do.

Superstition. Stuperstition. Superstupid.

By definition it is the fear of the unknown or mysterious. By my definition it is the display of ignorance. By my definition it is admitting to believing in something false.

Superstition, tradition, faith, and beliefs are almost the same thing. Superstition is the blatantly stupid, tradition is the blatantly stupid still followed by many, faith is just admitting you follow the blatantly stupid, and belief is just a lesser faith. That’s how I see it. By definition faith is belief, so I’m not too far off.

The color black. I can tell my grandparents are superstitious about it even though they haven’t said it. It’s pretty funny though. Like the day I moved in the first time my grandpa saw my cat he’s like “you have a black cat” I’m like well he’s got some white on him too. And? I mean who cares? I still can’t believe anyone still believes that bullshit. What if I did the same thing to humans, that’d be fun wouldn’t it?

Go around being like “your skin is black” and then just leave it like that. Eventually I’d be bound to run into someone with vitiligo and it’d be like “well some is white.” I find it so damn hilarious how stupid people were back in the old days. I can’t even imagine what a slave trader must have thought about a black person with vitiligo. That must have screwed with their heads pretty badly.

My grandparents also got uppity because my sister wanted black carpet. Big deal. I had black carpet in my past 2 houses and no one gave a shit. They’re all “we don’t want black carpets in this house!” as if it’d be the end of the world or something. What’s wrong with the color black anyway? Black rules. Even colorblind people can see black, that’s how much it rules.

Black is the supposed absence of color. It’s absence of color is just an interpretation. Most blacks aren’t really that black anyway. Night time isn’t really black. It’s just dark blue. Dark blue and black pretty damn similar but my grandparents don’t seem to care about dark blue. Ah well, ignoramuses. It’s not even something that effects me but that doesn’t matter, when I see stupid it’s enough to bother me. If stupid was a color then I’d be able to see it.

Deformities and other such things obviously influenced much superstition and religion. Superstition is basically turning the unknown into a fear while religion is turning the unknown into a belief system. I’m tired of both. Some people are amazed by technology and progress while sticking to their old methods while others adapt and evolve with the process.

The ones who stick with old while admiring new are usually the type of people who’d fall into superstitions and religions. For they wish not to understand but to keep their mindset while letting the world pass by. Senility often brings this on. One things for sure, I’d never let myself get like that. I’m tired of seeing people so stuck on things. I know I’ve written about it before and I’m finally getting out some details here.

I broke a mirror today. Well actually yesterday but whatever. Yeah, it wasn’t on purpose and it was an unused mirror anyway. I just read that people thought that means you broke your soul. That’s pretty damn funny. I’m starting to think maybe we really did evolve since way back when and not just socially. I mean damn, it’s hard to believe that people were that stupid. People still believe in the whole “god bless you” when you sneeze thing, or more so do it out of tradition then actually knowing what it means. That doesn’t matter though, people don’t really care what the purposes of their traditions were. You can’t reason with illogicality.

Just today I had a laughable argument with my grandma. I was carrying in some somewhat heavy items from my friends truck and she stops me and says something about how I have too much stuff. I said how I had needed my printer and was glad I now had it. She was getting all uppity about me using the word “need.” I’m like sure I don’t need it to survive but it’s not like I’m saying I need something I don’t already have. Then she just proceeds to say the same thing again about how I don’t need it and I respond and say “you don’t need your TV or VCR either.” Those are items which she uses quite frequently, in which she said something like “I’ve earned them” (despite only working 4 years in her life) and then something about how she doesn’t care about my philosophies. Basically what she said was “I’m right and don’t care about what you think” in a slightly less offensive way.

I kinda just pretended it didn’t happen but she had seemed pretty grumpy the whole day until a little later in which she brought me some candy which she had said she didn’t want and seemed in a much better mood. I’m not sure how often this happens with her but the behavior does fill in a few pieces to the puzzle. Now that I’ve read over what I wrote and analyzed my thoughts some it seems almost like she couldn’t stand seeing me happy, or accomplished. I was in a generally good mood at the time, being glad to finally have gotten my printer and some other things here.

Why do people get so picky about words? I keep running into this more than ever. First it’s when you’re little and learn the words fuck, ass, and shit. Then later it’s over using the word hate and need. I’m tired of all that crap. It’s one thing when a word is being used instead of another and displays a person putting something off to when it’s used in the way it was meant to be.

So if I can’t say I needed my printer, what should I have said, that I wanted it? The definition of need is to be in want of. To hate is just to dislike intensely. I mean exaggeration is way too common in language and most should be able to easily recognize when something is being used to mean something else. It’s basic communication. To insist upon using a certain set of words is just basically leaving the other set unused when it’s in the case of words that mean the same damn thing.

My grandparents think I have too many things. I could very well say the same thing about them. I mean, they literally have 3 bedrooms, with large closets and multiple drawer units, full of clothing and shoes. Is this not a lot? So when I switched my grandmas statement around on her she gets offended. Why? She can’t take what she dishes. And I know proving someone a hypocrite doesn’t make them right or wrong but if they can’t defend against it then they really have no right to be in a hypocritical situation. If they flat out said, I know and wish for you not to do what I do, fine, that’s understandable, as long as there’s a valid reason for it. That isn’t the case though. It’s pure hypocrisy in the worst form.

I can so easily defend against most of their attacks but I try not to get into arguments with them. I don’t give up very easily and don’t get angry very quickly. This angers others. It’s basically when it turns abusive or when I’m trying to help and am treated badly for it, that’s mainly what gets me angry. It’s pretty uncommon for me to react with physical violence. It feels weird.

I do know how angry people can get in response to me. I think the fact that I can remain calm and resilient to attacks is enough to piss people off to pretty great extents. I do have a large amount of patience and that’s understandable. My experience with waiting is matched by few. I’m actually feeling pretty good at the moment despite my situation. I’m finally almost finished my part of the move. Now my mom and sister will be moving here and that will be double this amount of work, if not more. 2 bedrooms to empty, 2 peoples stuff to move in, and many decorative and large nonfunctional items. Not to mention large amounts of clothing.

I’m really starting to get sickened by clothing. I remember someone telling me fashion was an art. So be it, it’s an art form I hate. Let’s all run around naked like the bald monkeys we are. I’m tired of this whole “feeling personalized” bullshit. That reminds me, I learned that my one uncle who’s basically a doctor watches MTV with a passion. The world is starting to scare me.

And no, it’s not some fear of getting a job or having to work or the other things that people tend to project on me as being afraid of. It’s more like me starting to realize just how much the spectrum of stupidity scales.

If there were any jobs that required stupid detection and elimination I’d be set. Then again maybe fixing other peoples computers is close enough.

Leaving someone behind is never easy.

I can’t get to bed because I keep thinking of my father and the friend I just decided to leave. As I said before death is very similar to ending a friendship except it’s more permanent. One hurts a bit more than the other of course but that’s not to say both don’t suck.

I don’t think they really understood why I decided to leave. I don’t hate them, I just can’t really help them. I feel I have nothing to offer and when I try to help I end up getting hurt. Why put myself through that? They don’t even want help, they say they are fine. I don’t really believe that.

Sure there’s the good times and what not but when there’s these constant bothers it’s no wonder that things just weren’t working. I mean damn not many people get like 5 posts written about them in here within 2 months or so, it’s obvious that I cared about them. I don’t suppose they’ll ever understand. They couldn’t even understand my perspective.

I don’t want to be hated or the situation rationalized. I don’t want to be made out to be some bad person trying to change other people into some splitting image of me. It’s not like that, I don’t want to change anyone, just help them. That’s not to say I wouldn’t mind some changes. I’d probably give them a million chances, sometimes I’m just too nice to people, scarily enough.

I came into it expecting change, not requesting. And change there was but as I said previously the root of the problems still existed and like any weed you must destroy the root if you want to eliminate the problem. They don’t even see it though, I tried my best to show them. I tried saying to view it my way but it failed.

I can’t stand trust issues and all this bullshit about betrayal. Bad influences and events have deeply effected some peoples way of life and it’s so much damage I can’t even fathom how to undo it all. Of course in their eyes they’re the one that’s right. I really can’t worry about that now though. All I do know is that I can take control of my own actions and I won’t make the same mistakes.

Their last words were an attempt to give me a guilt trip, for what reason I don’t know. They quickly signed off afterwards. I hate that. I can’t even defend myself that way or try to explain, but I doubt they’d understand anyway. I’m not going to feel guilty though, it’d be playing into the same personality problems that are the same reason I left.

I can’t stand this crap. I don’t know if they think this is easy for me or something because it’s not. I can’t really worry about what other people think though. Now I have one more thing to overcome. I wish this shit was easier. I’m so stressed out these past few days and all this crap going on with grandparents and what not while I seem normal and am not too bothered by everything once my brain starts to go into idle all this stuff around me starts to emerge.

I have to think about the reason why I’m now living with my grandparents and temptations of false hope are everywhere. I won’t let myself fall to that level though, I’m pretty much incapable of it. It’s so easy to be diluted by the ways of others though. It’s too easy in fact. Once shit hits the fan anything other than the truth sounds good.

I can’t do that to myself though, I can’t deny what’s going on or try to excuse it with false hopes. I must deal with the people around me and the losses I suffer. I must put up with the fact that people will probably go along doing the same things I disagree with even after I’ve gone. I couldn’t even put up with that while I was still friends with them.

I still care though and more than they’d wish to believe. Of course it’s easier dumbing it down and making me out to be some untrustworthy asshole who’s trying to change you then it is to actually deal with a severe trust issue. I don’t have to put up with that stuff anymore though. It’s gone.

I still wish things had turned out better but in the end it was the same thing all over again.

I’m tired of writing about other people, seriously. The only times I write about other people is when I’m pissed off at them. That’s boring.

Yes, people piss me off because they are not me. I don’t piss me off because I’m just so damn cool. You piss me off though.

If there was something that pissed me off the most it’d be you. If there was someone I enjoyed pissing off it’d be you. I piss everyone off and therefore everyone is pissed at me. And I’m pissed at them. In fact there’s so much piss lying around that it’s acting like a magnifier and now I can see through the yellow shade of piss to an enlarged version of your face with a yellow tint, which I am also pissed at.

You know what, this is stupid. Let’s just make a few things clear.

I hate people, especially when I’m pissed off at them. When someone pisses me off more, the more I hate them. So let’s just get a few things clear.

When confronted with a troublesome statement do you either:

a. avoid me (piss me off)
b. get angry at me (piss me off)
c. talk about it (doesn’t piss me off)
d. become masochistic (piss me off)
e. change the topic (piss me off)
f. start talking about how bad your childhood was (piss me off)
g. pick at the words I used (piss me off)
h. act as if you don’t understand (piss me off)
i. pick at unimportant details irrelevant to the statement (piss me off)
j. act as if false hopes will right your wrongs (piss me off)
k. try to physically attack me (piss me off)
l. tell all your friends to gang up on me (piss me off)
m. say how your one friend agrees with you therefore you must be right (piss me off)
n. curse at me (piss me off)
o. try to crack into a computer system in revenge (piss me off)
p. rapidly change emotions (piss me off)
q. become paranoid and act as if everything is a secret (piss me off)
r. act as if trust issues make it okay to do things which are wrong (piss me off)
s. apologize (sometimes pisses me off)
t. defend yourself logically (doesn’t piss me off)
u. say I’m not your friend anyway so it doesn’t matter (piss me off)
v. say that I’m a hypocrite with insubstantial proof (piss me off)
w. acting as if being a hypocrite would even make my current statements wrong (piss me off)
x. hold a grudge and act as if some past event means I’m wrong now (piss me off)
y. not be me (piss me off)
z. piss me off (piss me off)

Obviously you can tell if you piss me off or not using this quick list of 26 things you can do. It’s that simple. Most likely you’ve done one of these things at least once but who knows. Some people are stupider than others. Mostly you, because you’re not me, but that’s another story.

So to all the naysayers, you can shove it. If you’re using a method on that list that list that pisses me off even if you are right I’ll just hate you for being such a dumb fuck for using such a stupid method trying to prove it. You won’t see me giving praise just because you were right, or me expecting any when I am.

Achievement is not something to look up to, we all make achievements. Some bad, some good. Getting an ego high over achievements is useless. Lying about an achievement to get an ego high from other peoples responses is even stupider to the point where I can’t even explain how stupid it is.

Once, someone basically admitted to me that they thought I was right but didn’t want to say it because they thought it was feeding some kind of ego high. I laughed because that’s exactly how they are. I guess the golden rule even applies to other peoples stupidities.

Golden rule has it’s limits though. Eye for an eye can’t ever be played out perfectly, let’s not confuse the two anyway. Golden rule doesn’t mean do bad things to others just because someone else did them to you. It means do the things to others that you expect back. People seem to think that it means eye for an eye when it doesn’t.

Not that eye for an eye is a bad method all the time just when people who are using logical fallacies when proving themselves are trying to get revenge it’s not really justified revenge and at that they are just avoiding their problems.

So all I can say is stop pissing me off. It won’t matter anyway because you still won’t be as cool as me. You can still try though, I won’t hate you for it. It won’t give me an ego high because you will never be as cool as me and only I’m cool enough to do that. You can just sit over there in the corner or something.

I secretly don’t really hate you all. The conspiracy has been revealed.

Now that I’m living with my grandparents I’m surrounded by archaic systems. Some systems around here work fine, and aren’t really all that archaic, but these certain things that do bother me are things that bother me quite personally as the illogicality of these things is vast.

Manners. This doesn’t matter much any more in the real world but my grandparents basically insist I use a napkin even if I do not get myself dirty. When I said I wasn’t going to get anything on myself, or didn’t need one, they insisted that didn’t matter. This is illogical. If not for prevention of dirt, then for what? It was almost religious.

Which brings me to the next one, religion. My grandpa loves try and sneak religion into the topic when least suspecting. With things like “you can get a bar mitzvah any time in your life you know” or “you should go to synagogue this Friday.” If only I had the guts to show my grandpa one of my writings about religion, he’d probably think I was the devil.

Another one which never came up much until today was that I don’t say “I love you” to people. I responded saying that I don’t like to throw around the “L” word and explained how what it means is family compassion, or sex, depending on the context. He said it was bullshit before I even finished. It’s weird how some people’s belief in love is almost like their belief in religion. They treat it blindly like religion and throw around words without ever explaining what they mean or providing any proof.

All I ever get when it comes to proof of love is that “you’ll know when it happens” and “It’ll happen someday” and “It’s something you can’t control” among other things. Family compassion is more obvious and well, while I care about family more then I do some random person off the street, don’t push your luck. I’m not as compassionate as most people are.

I’m so far convinced that love is the biggest load of crap and is just part of the societal expectation of reproduction and survival of the race at this point that I just want to shoot the next person who mentions the word in the head with a .44 magnum.

Oh yeah, that’s reminds me of another thing my grandpa loves to bug me about. “Someday you’ll meet a nice jewish girl and this and that will change” with this and that usually being something about eating habits, physical appearance, or personal hygiene. All things which I don’t care about that much and only do the absolute minimum I can get away with in a particular situation.

And who says I want to date people? And at that, why do they have to be jewish? As if I’d give a shit. I mean damn, fuck too many jews and where’s the gene diversity? Being surrounded by old traditions really gets to me, as I don’t stick to anything when it comes to ideas and philosophies. Seeing people so stuck on things pisses me off, especially when it’s people that I’m trying not to hate.

During that same conversation, me not saying “god bless you” when people sneeze was brought up. I don’t even have to explain this one do I? I must seem like the anti-christ to him. Or maybe that should be anti-moses?

It’s mainly my grandpa bothering me at this point, while my grandma does have some expectations of me most of them are reasonable and not so damn illogical. There’s a certain way they like things done around here and most of which aren’t really any more trouble than what I’d be doing anyway. Some things are, but only when they make no sense does it piss me off.

There’s a high paranoia around here with locking doors and security, I guess with good reason – they almost got robbed once. The alarm system saved the day, which they still have, and have upgraded over the years. It seems some of the paranoia is just part of my grandma’s personality but it’s something that, while slightly illogical at times, doesn’t bother me that much, as I’m one to keep my room door locked most of the time. More because I hate people busting into my room whenever they feel like it then it is over fear.

All and all I don’t mind living here that much but the things my grandpa tries to push on me and the comments he makes can be quite annoying. He made a comment like “we’ll change him” or something like that which had to be the easiest way to ensure he fails. I still don’t think he grasps that I’m not like most people and in fact differ greatly. Most of my cousins and other such relatives around my age are pretty average people doing pretty average things. Those are his other grandchildren. I’m not them. If I’m living here he’ll have to live with me just as much as I’ll have to live with him. He can hold his archaic viewpoints as long as he’s not pushing them on me.

I don’t have time to waste time on other people and the past few days living here it seems that my time has gone by faster than ever. I’m not sure why but I’ve been unable to do many of the things I like and keep up with my schedules as there’s still some minor chaos going on around here. Things are settling down but I doubt the nagging will anytime soon, which might delay settling down further.

The last thing I could think of was the whole getting a job thing, which my grandpa has apparently told every single relative of mine about and now they all proceed to bother me with it. With bother usually being trying to help. I mean, he’s got good intentions and is trying to use his connections to get me a job and all but he doesn’t seem to understand that I’m not ready to make that kind of commitment to anything right now. I’m not just being greedy.

I’m really starting to get pissed off about this one. Today I said I’d rather be working a desk job and not dealing with people so much and my grandpa seemed surprised. He’s been in the automotive business all his life and dealt with people a lot. It must be hard for him to see why I don’t like dealing with people, I don’t suppose he understands how I can’t really associate that well with people who aren’t on or around the same level as me. Some people would say I’m too picky but I dismiss that as it’s not my fault that other people are so damn illogical.

My grandpa has always been a pretty social guy always participating in communities and money drives and other things like that. I on the other hand tend to see the worst in people. I get to know people and realize that there’s no way I can like them. I can’t leave people as just associates. It doesn’t work. My social instincts are quick and my brain usually just says “stay away” before it even gets to a point of bother.

I try to be friendly sometimes, I really do, but in the end I will always seem different and never really fit in. I don’t have a problem with this, as long as no one’s trying to force me to be social, which obviously won’t work and when it’s happened in the past it lead to many problems. School is a prime example of this. I don’t have the time to be mocked and made fun of. I can so easily put most of those kind of people in their place but I’d rather not even attempt to because I don’t want to deal with people I don’t like.

I’ve been pushed into seclusion by other people. I won’t stay in seclusion because of that though. I’ll stay in it because now I realize I don’t want to know those people anyway. I’ll come out of my hole when I have to but when I don’t I’m perfectly content with myself.

That’s another thing, why do people have a problem with me not trying to be happy all the time? When I make any mention of that people instantly think I’m depressed. Like as if a neutral state of being isn’t possible, I must be either happy or sad all the time because those are the only valid emotions some average persons psychological knowledge acknowledges. Sorry, I’m not going to be happy (or say I am) to make someone happy. Although it really wouldn’t make them happy, it’d just acknowledge their limited knowledge as being correct, which I’m not going to do. No wonder people think I’m always trying to be right.

I don’t agree with people to make things easier. I won’t even tell little fibs or white lies. Of the times I have recently (twice in past 2 years) they were just to get out of being social. When it’s over something that has to do with logic or flawed philosophies you won’t ever see me back down from the challenge.

I don’t like to be bothered unless it’s an absolute emergency. If it’s something petty, just keep it to yourself. You’ll have no luck pushing petty methods on me.

I wrote I didn’t have the time before and well I spent the time anyway. I tried something and it didn’t work.

In the end the result was changes happened but not the kind I had expected. This is pretty normal from my experience in returning to ex-friends. The root of all the previous problems still exists and now causes new ones. I don’t really have the time to deal with other peoples problems and I’m not going to let other peoples problems piss me off or what not. Let’s get the analysis started.

The claims of hating all humans is just a way to avoid saying they hate themselves, usually caused from anger, probably due to underlying depression from insecurities about themselves. Their claims of having no friends is just relevant to the deeply seeded problems with trust. The paranoid-delusional claims of everyone around them being against them is probably due to constant misinterpretation of motives due to the non-trust and also the fact that they are insecure about themselves and tend to lash out in anger (confusion) instead of dealing with things. This also leads to many secrets being built up which causes more confusion in conversations and the inability to tell a full story, just clouded fragments emerge.

I think I’m too direct about things sometimes and this sometimes doesn’t help as it may lead to more confusion and end up with them being mad at me. I’m not perfect though and I really can’t do much about that but that doesn’t mean that when I try to help that I’m trying to purposely anger them. Their anger that results from my relatively innocent comments is most likely because they are in denial of one of their problems.

Their claims of good intentions while doing something with bad ones is just hiding a larger problem which is a compulsive need to mock or put down others, usually in internet chats where they can feel more secure as the contact is so indirect, in return, they always claim everyone is mocking them or somehow trying to put them down. The constant rationalization of their social behaviors like this seems very antisocial. Usually it’s rationalized as revenge or righting the wrongs and so forth but most of the time it’s something they themselves caused and just didn’t want to face up to the consequences.

Claims of being better than the rest are far from true in any person, though claims of being different are certainly true. Taking pride in thinking you’re better than most people is not something I look for in friends. In a world where everyone is fighting for survival everyone is indeed selfish but to so greatly take that out of proportion in their case is just a way to avoid dealing with the issue at hand.

When I ask what the purpose of their behaviors are, particularly ones which I disagreed with, I’m now made out to be an enemy, instead of just someone who is concerned about them. I can’t take this abuse and I really don’t know how to help them. I might have to put this to an end.

I don’t have the time to wait around for other people right now but I do anyway.

I’m not very dependable. I rarely get anything done unless I have some incentive and/or easy exposure to the task at hand. I can’t read peoples minds and they can’t read mine.

A friend said that someone who could read minds would be their biggest fear. For me it’d be something that makes everything a whole lot easier. If people could read my mind I wouldn’t have all this bullshit over misunderstandings all the time.

Well actually it’s just one person really and I’m sure you know who you are. I’m tired of assumptions. I can’t continue a friendship in which nothing is made clear. I can’t continue a friendship with no trust. I can’t continue a friendship in which I’m misunderstood and lashed out against.

It’s not all my fault, that’s too easy. If everything was my fault I could just rely on that as a defense against people saying it’s my fault. If everything is my fault it’d just cancel out or something. That’d be kind of neat actually. If everything I said is wrong I could just keep saying things until the only things left were the things that are right, which I’d be unable to say.

It’s kind of like how I only say the things I don’t like most of the time which then leaves the things I do like remaining. I’m tired of all this confusion. I have too much going on already to worry about this crap. I have to be up in 8 hours or so to start moving to my grandparents house. I’m going to end up getting no sleep at all if I keep this up. I can’t wait forever for other people. At the same time, they were thinking the same thing about me.

More misunderstandings yet again. I’m tired.

I’m still waiting.

I know most of you know about the death of my father by now so let’s cut the bullshit and get to the point.

I think out of everything the most annoying thing of all other than the fact he’s dead is the way other people act. Which includes how other people changed their expectations of me. Now that I’m moving into my grandparents house not a day goes by that people don’t mention something about me getting a job.

Sorry but I’m not going to be drastically changing my lifestyle in a day and at that I’m not going to change it for anyone other than myself. I was at my aunts house today and people are asking me if I wanted to come over and then someone interjects with something like “well if you have a job maybe you can’t.” I’m tired of this shit being projected onto me. I’m not getting a job right now, and I’m not getting a job in a month, or probably even the month after that.

If anyone really has a problem with it then they can just deal with it or kick me out of their house or do whatever they want but the fact of the matter is I’m not doing anything right now except the things I want to do because if I follow all these other peoples expectations I’d go insane.

I don’t want to hear about how successful some family members think I will be and I’m tired of people acting like they suddenly know me a lot better just because of this situation. While I’ve probably had to deal with my grandparents a lot more than ever before these past few months I’ve tried avoiding them as much as possible to be honest as all they ever talk to me about is doing them favors.

My grandma seemed delirious, talking about spirits or some crap and everyones got their own little false hope thing going on about afterlife or what not. I don’t need to rely on that bullshit. Part of my coping is getting over the fact that his personality, or consciousness, his mental being is no longer there. Not believing it’s still there but in some other form. False hope gets me no where.

His personality is still there in my mind, but his body is gone, and with it his mind. I suppose I have my regrets. I could have been nicer to him at some points but it’s too late to be worrying about that shit. He’s not alive to be able to care anyway. Someone said to me that he asked for me right before he died or something. I don’t know why anyone told me that. It’s a guilt trip waiting to happen and to honest that seems to be most peoples way of dealing with this shit.

Guilt trips piss me off and I’m tired of them. This get a job bullshit is just more guilt trip bullshit to be honest. When people barely know me and expect things of me that makes them personally happy but does shit for me, I get really pissed off. I hear shit like family has to stick together all the time from my maternal grandfather but that sure is hard when you’re completely insensitive to other peoples wishes and just project your own desires onto them.

I’m not preparing to go jump into work right after this crap. In fact it’ll probably take me a few months before I even consider making more changes on top of the already drastic ones which are going on. People need to just back the fuck off or I’m really going to explode on someone. And it won’t be pretty.

It’s illogical at this point to regret things as I can’t go back in time and change things so what I really have to cope with is basically very similar to a friendship ending. No longer talking to the person and with occasional reminders of them popping up every once in a while. Only this person is now impossible to reconnect with ever again.

My parents weren’t ever super close with me but they weren’t all that distant either. Some people seem to think me and my dad were real close, and while we were close, we weren’t super close. Most of my time is spent in my room and that’s how it’s always been. Occasionally we’d do stuff together but more than anything I am just angered of peoples assumptions and the things people try to say to comfort me. It doesn’t work at all and so far everyones misunderstood me so badly I can’t even attempt to correct them.

It’s easier to just try and avoid everyone but that doesn’t work that well as people will just approach me anyway. Ah well seems I’m already back to my regular self. People piss me off no matter what the occasion.

So to all the people who care about me but don’t understand me, leave me alone, I’m fine. You keep pestering me and you might drive me criminally insane. I’ll talk about this stuff with people who really do understand.

Emotions are something I’m pretty good at dealing with. Other people are not.

I’m sure many of you reading this have done this, as I know many people who do it. I myself, never have, and don’t ever plan to, as I hate the idea entirely. You know, the golden rule applies and all, I’m not going to do it to other people and I don’t expect people to do it to me either.

Of course, I wouldn’t know if anyone has done it to me specifically as the whole idea is over abusing a system of away notification. Yes, people who put on away messages when they aren’t away. You know who you are. You do it all the time, I know so many people who do it. Of course when they’re talking to me at the time I know they’re not doing it to avoid me specifically but the fact that they do it even if not to avoid me is annoying.

So why can’t you people just tell the person or people you’re trying to avoid to go away? Is that so hard? Or do you think it’s easier to just lie than to explain yourself? Well hey it’s your mind not mine so I’m not the one being stupid.

Seriously people, what’s the point of this? Do you think the other person won’t understand? Do you not have the guts? What’s the mental deficiency you people have that makes it easier to lie on an away notification system than to admit not wanting to be available all the time to someone.

Oh sure, maybe you got in a fight with someone and are trying to avoid that, or some other silly avoidance. Deal with it. I don’t want to see your god damn away message on if you’re not away, it’s not my fault you have some stupid problem with someone or only feel like chatting to certain people. It’s your problem, because obviously you people aren’t dealing with something that should be dealt with.

Don’t think this is personally against anyone – it’s not. You’d be surprised how many people do this shit. I wonder if people get the idea of doing it from one another?

To be honest, I don’t even like the idea of away messages. If I’m going away, I sign off. When I go idle, I have an away message that comes on automatically, and you’ll probably see it most when I’m watching TV, as I put my monitor into DPMS power off mode which activates my screen saver which sends the idle signal to my instant messaging client, putting me in idle mode, away mode, and saving power, all at once.

You people are inefficient at online communication. You don’t live up to my standards. I hate you.

Okay not really but come on people, what the hell? People aren’t that hard to deal with, but you’ll make it a lot harder to deal with me when I’m gouging out your eyeballs with a spoon.

The world is made of cheese and onions. Indeed.

Actually I’m just somewhat bored at the moment which is pretty uncommon these days. Not many people are online at the moment which is somewhat odd but I don’t really care that much, I have things I can do if I wish to waste time but right now I feel like writing.

I think that in the end some people will just not get along with me despite my trying. I can’t really blame myself for being me so I’ll just have to make some hard decisions. I think I should be able to tell when things are going no where.

Either way I’ll be alright – I got enough shit going on already, silly issues like this are nothing in comparison. I think what I need these days is just some positive thinking. No fear or paranoia, no guilt trips and false hope. Just pure neutralness with a sprinkle of optimism. That sounds good enough to eat.

In all reality I’m really just avoiding getting at something I wish I didn’t have to. That is, I don’t want to have to deal with other peoples problems. I try to help people but I just get taken for granted and accused of things which aren’t my true intentions. I’m not perfect – I’m not a psychologist or anything but I still try to understand. I can’t reason with peoples problems though, and I work mainly with reason. I end up making some people upset.

I’m tired of subliminal messages. I don’t like having to be so indirect about things but I’m tired of making people angry as well.

If other people have issues which prohibit them from being able to communicate with me properly then I really can’t be held responsible for that. I don’t have time for silly trust issues and information games. I thought this shit would be over by now but sometimes I think I might be too optimistic.

Sounds kind of funny coming from me – too optimistic. A friend of mine (you know who you are) is very pessimistic compared to me and although it’s sometimes less productive it also made them right about many things. Sometimes I try the impossible, they’d rather not try at all. I haven’t given up all hope in humanity yet, despite how it may seem.

I don’t really have a problem with most of my friends, in fact I get along with most people I talk to really well. There’s some people who I previously would have problems with that I am now fine with, and there’s some I never had problems with before and now do. And then there’s the people I had problems with before and still do.

That last group is the group of people I’ve given too many chances to. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s because they don’t have a problem with me all the time just sometimes, or because it seems they’re changing but in reality they’re not.

Mood swings. I don’t know but it seems maybe some people have pretty severe mood swings. How else is it possible for someone to go from normal discussion to severe anger with just a few lines of chat? We’re all human let’s not fool ourselves. I think I’m being subliminally pushed away, come to think of it.

I’m only good enough in small doses to some people I guess. That’s not good enough for me though, I’m not a toy to be played with at another’s whim. Maybe I’m just pulling this all out of my ass, who knows. I think I’m just doing some self-discovery by typing what’s on my mind, typing out every little suspicion I have.

I’ve been having to hide my instincts out of fear that they might anger some people. I usually end up eventually saying them because I like to say whats on my mind and be honest with people instead of just trying to hint at them. I’m tired of hinting bullshit, like a bunch of stupid teenagers trying to go out on a date and “accidentally” leaving notes or what not.

If people can’t be straight with me then how do they expect me to understand? That’s the thing though, they don’t want me to understand fully, just little censored amounts. I’m tired of that, if people can’t trust me then why the hell tell me anything at all? I am not going to be lead on forever. I will not put up with that forever.

I will survive the stupidity of others but when you care about people who are doing stupid things it’s hard to just blow them off without trying to help them. I’ve done it before though, and there’s no reason at all why I can’t do it again.

I can’t blame myself. It seems like no one is able to prove me wrong anymore – I seem to have improved my bullshit detecting skills to a level higher than ever achieved before. I will just flat out say what I think. I will not censor what I think. If it hurts their feelings then it’s not really my fault – I’m just trying to be honest and help people out. I can’t help people conquer their issues though, so if what I say does make someone upset it’s really up to them to deal with their own issues. I can lead a horse to water but I can’t make it drink.

Which brings me to another topic, I hate horses. In fact I hate most animals which are only still around because humans use them for personal pleasure, such as horses and dogs (wolves.) Most of which are almost extinct in the wild. What kind of existence is living to pleasure humans? I also don’t like dolphins but that’s more because of their intelligence and how humans like to admire it and what not but I don’t admire intelligence as I’ve stated many times before.

Look at sharks, they’re not even close to as smart as dolphins but they have no problem taking them out. Sharks react on instincts and at that they’re very keen. Intelligence doesn’t mean that much if your instincts aren’t so good. Good instincts means good prediction, which means making a plan that works is much easier. There’s plenty of stupid people with good instincts and they do pretty damn well in the world. Look at most pop stars. You’ve got to have good instincts to be able to work your way up the system and know where to be at the right time. Even if their methods involve dishonesty.

It seems these days that most animals are slowly becoming less prevalent as the human population increases, which probably means soon enough all animals that are around will just be around because they benefit us, like farm animals and animals we use for pleasure. The animals we keep around for our own use.

I don’t think evolution will like that very much for some reason. I think that a global population control should be put into effect as soon as possible similar to the one in china but maybe a tad less strict. I know china isn’t exactly the nicest country in the world. I hate babies. I find it funny that maddox recently wrote a thing talking about killing babies after they’re born, something I had been talking about as well. Some might say I try to write like him but in reality we just write similarly. It’s that simple.

I think I’m done for now. And remember, the world is made of cheese and onions.

So I hit 100 posts and didn’t even notice. “The fall of good taste” was my 100th post (I think) I just counted down from the top as I currently have 107 posts, this will be 108. So I’ve decided to do a special “100th post thing” and dedicate it to stupidity, because the world is full of it.

So yet again I’m confronted with the challenges of debate and something went wrong. What it is, I do not know, I don’t get angry very easily despite the blows that were made against me, apparently the other person didn’t react the same way as I.

I suppose it’s hard for some people to talk about the very ideas their lives have been based upon without taking something personal. Maybe I have certain qualities about me that allows me to take a third person perspective and not get offended by certain things. Or maybe what they say is true, but if that’s so, why the anger? I didn’t even defend against many of the blows made against me. Maybe my emotionless responses to certain things makes others angry? Or makes me seem condescending?

Either way I hear the same thing time and time again every time this same situation has happened. You think you’re always right. You think you’re better than other people. You’re condescending. You’re arrogant.

While sometimes I might be a little arrogant I never go into a debate always thinking I’m right because I’m always open to new ideas. If the other person isn’t willing to help me see their perspective and gets angry when I get a few things wrong, it is impossible for me to validly see how it is. It’s hard to put yourself in other peoples shoes – and in the end the shoes don’t even fit, cause they’re not your shoes, like I said once before.

That doesn’t mean it’s impossible to at least try to understand, but I suppose some people just don’t have the same patience to deal with these things as I do and I will just have to respect that.

I don’t think I’m better than anyone and have always been about equality – everyone has their ups and downs and in the end it all works out. Even those I call stupid are smarter than me in some ways – just not ways that I respect, as they have to do with following others and dishonesty.

I can’t do anything but be myself so if that’s too hard for some people I will just have to take a good analysis of the situation and make a decision as to whether or not I want them in my life. I don’t want to have people angry at me, I don’t mean to offend anyone, but people get offended and it’s out of my control.

I can accept that, I can accept a lack of control, I just won’t give up unless I really have to – I don’t like seeing a friendship go down the train. I like to understand things and analyze situations. Maybe I seem nosey or as if I’m assuming things but it’s only because I want to understand.

I think the ultimate stupidity in the end is misunderstanding – because it tends to ruin everything over nothing. I think that’s the worst way for things to end.

Hey everyone, Brent says I’m emo.

(00:03:18) Brent: so jordan tell me how many people have u shown this convo to
(00:03:19) Brent: or wait
(00:03:22) Brent: how many are you going to
(00:03:22) Brent: lol
(00:04:09) Brent: i wouldnt be surprised if u had ure little pet im me backing u up or trying to make me feel bad in about 2 days or less
(00:04:19) Brent: but i think me saying that just stopped u from doing it
^ out of spite

He also enjoys talking to himself, long walks on the beach, and repeating a page full of song lyrics into instant message by memory.

Let’s all celebrate this joyful occasion with a tribute to Brent, the worlds most illogical arguer. The only defense I’ve ever seen him use is try to prove the opponent a hypocrite, which isn’t even a good defense in his case for two reasons.

A. being a hypocrite doesn’t make you wrong or right
B. it’s reusing old material, something he claims is bad (hypocrite?)

I don’t claim to be original or what not, but this is a guy who’s tried to be like me or my friend for years now, yet attacks me over original material? I don’t think so. I don’t even care about being original, I don’t have to be the first to say it, as long as it’s getting the damn point across.

Oh, sorry I called you a fag Brent, not really sure if you’re gay or not. My unconscious typo of calling you a fake still appears to be true though.

I’m an ass and I love it.

So why hasn’t anyone ever started an anti-religion cult? There’s been cults against specific religions, by specific religions, but never a cult against all religion, by no religion.

Why not? I mean there’s got to be enough people to join and fight for the cause of stupid elimination.

Whether it be jesus, allah, whatever jew’s have, animal-headed-human-things, etc, none of them seem to be making any appearances. Let’s start a cult. I’m serious. Who’s with me?

Anti-religion cult for the purpose of elimination of all religion and false hope. Had a bad day? Too bad. Hell’s too good for you. Eternal pain? Guess that’s better than eternal nothing eh? Let’s not mention all the silly utopias that you supposedly get to if you somehow prove yourself worthy.

You’re all unworthy. You’re dirty, cheating, lying, tailless monkey people. I mean hey if you’re going to hate something you might as well hate them all and not just pick at specifics.

Hey why do people stereotype themselves? Don’t ask me, but now you’ve all got one less stereotype to worry about. No more religion, how do you like that?

Imagine a world without religion and I’d say you’re imagining an impossibility. Not to fear, logic is here! We’ll put the gas chambers to good use this time. No religion is exempt. Race doesn’t matter.

Our animal friends are quite good at proving morality and right and wrong are all relative and even our own actions should be enough to prove that but most people are too blind because they want to feel innocent or some bullshit like that.

Oh no I’ve sinned time to repent! I’m doing so by killing the religious. No more silly standards of good and bad. Even the supposed “good points” and “purposes” of the stories in religion are useless to me. Be kind and love and don’t cheat on your wife and don’t steal and don’t fuck your neighbors kids and don’t pee on the electric fence. Oh no, someone sinned, time for a modern day crucifixion. Time to build some more prisons.

And what’s with religious people saying that being non-religious is impossible? I even had one person go as far to tell me that religion is part of the brain. How pathetic, blinded by their own ignorance. Which is like being blind to being blind to a lie. That’s kind of pathetic. Sorry but obviously someone religious is biased and saying something like that has absolutely no merit, especially if they’re so blind they can’t even see otherwise. That’s why I say bring out the gas chambers. Not worth wasting time with that.

I’ve officially decided that I hate all religious meaning and purposes. If you need some silly high moral standard then just come up with it yourself and stop giving credit to some 2000 year old books. I’m not letting you use religion as a scapegoat for stupidity, sorry.

Morals piss me off. Manners piss me off. Being nice to people pisses me off. Being mean to people pisses me off. People piss me off. Hard candy pisses me off. Jesus pisses me off. Religion pisses me off.

I don’t even want to be considered good. Maybe I should start lying and cheating just out of spite. That’s unlike me and like me at the same time. Weird.

Who’s with me?

I hate everyone because they’re not me.

Sure that sounds pretty arrogant but I don’t really care. It’s true. The real deal is that I’m tired of bullshit, but that’s nothing new. I mean, I’ve always complained about bullshit, but the past week, well that’s just been so bullshitfullytastic that I’m even more annoyed than before.

So I’ve been exposed to much anger and me being already annoyed at the world am left wondering why the hell? Why is it that people get angry when they’re confused? Where in the decision making process does anger come in anyway?

Alright so I guess I am starting to see the picture here. Some people stay angry longer than others. Me, I just talk about it for a few minutes and it’s done with. Most of the times when I’m angry is because I’ve been disturbed. My grandparents are quite good at doing that.

In a few ways I think maybe I lack certain emotion compared to most people. Either that or I just deal with things in ways that have less emotion involved. Oh yeah, sound waves don’t have emotion, so shut the fuck up to anyone who says music has emotion. I’m tired of you people.

You know what? I’m tired of emotion. Not my own, just other peoples, it seems like I’m one of the only people who can deal with shit without doing something that pisses me off. I guess that makes sense – it’s why I’m me. I hate everyone because they’re not me.

Well it sounds arrogant but really – so many people relying on false hopes, power trips, fear, and other miscellaneous counter-productive things to solve their issues. Let’s take a few approaches to the problem.

Someone pisses me off. What else is new. Now, here’s some possible steps:

A. I believe in god and think they will go to hell
B. I think I’m better than them no matter what so it doesn’t matter
C. I get afraid and start plotting revenge

False hope, power trip, and fear. Of course I left out what I do, which is much simpler than all of those ridiculous responses. Know what I do? I deal with it. I talk with them about it, I discuss the situation, if that fails, they can go fuck themselves – I’ll just ignore em. If that fails, I’ll just write about how much I hate them because it’s fun.

Look at me! I’m cynical! I guess that’s something new. At least I’m not blind. It’s hard to be biased when you hate everything.

Now that’s just me trying to sound like I hate everything, yes, of course I don’t really hate everything, it’s just so easy to say I do because of the extremely large amount of things that I do hate.

Maybe I should make a list of things I do like? Let’s do it:

Good music
Cats
Pessimism with a dash of optimism
Computers
People who agree with me
People who don’t piss me off
People who don’t suck up
People who don’t lead blindly
People who don’t follow blindly
Cars that aren’t ugly
Good taste
Anime
Electronics
Things that I don’t hate until proved otherwise.
Me

Yeah, much shorter than the list of things I hate. It’s easy when it comes to what I like. It’s just the things I don’t like, those things are annoying.

I think at this point I can say that I like myself and other people’s company is nice because it wastes time which is pleasureful if done correctly. I have all this time so I might as well use it. Anyway I think the real point of the story is that other people aren’t me and that everyone’s been raised into their own little way of being, most of which annoy me.

I seem to return to a state of neutralness no matter what happens to me so I guess I’d make a bad example of someone with chronic depression. Oh yeah, and my cat, he’s cool, just thought I’d say that.

Of all the things we can’t control, you can control emotion. Some things may be impossible but that’s one thing I’m sure isn’t. It’s all about control, while we might not have any true form of control, self-control is something that most are capable with little effort. It’s just that most people want to be illogical because it provides a more instant sensation of pleasure, even if the pain resulting afterwards is greater.

I’m one to talk right? I love instant gratification, but not to the point of stupidity. I feel like pissing people off.

HEY EVERYONE, I HATE YOU! Also, I’m very fat and you’re going to die. And your house is on fire.

I hate my family. It’s true. I can’t stand them. Well, to be more specific, I hate my dads family. There’s a few neat people but it’s mostly insanity.

They’re all nags. All of them. They’re all spoiled, lazy, and demanding. It’s amazing they even get anything done the way they are. Okay more specifically my dads parents. They’re insane. The more time I spend around them the more insane I get. On top of the fact that I was raised much the same way. I’m glad some people were willing to tell me how stupid I was being at the time.

I don’t really put up with them so I have no problem yelling back at them. An eye for an eye, they will get a face full if they attempt to mess with me.

Normally they don’t bother me to the breaking point but with this bullshit with my dad going down it’s pretty insane around here. Lucky for me they’re usually only here at night most of the time.

Today was annoying though. Oh yeah, they don’t deserve to have a drivers license. 80 yrs old + driving = no. Scares the fuck out of me every time I have to sit in a car with them at the wheel.

Anyway, today was annoying. I walk in while I’m in the middle of helping my cousins friend change the tires on my dads car (which he shouldn’t have fucking bought/resold the old ones while he was still sick) and I walk up to grab the keys and they start bitching about some empty boxes that were on the floor. I said I’d take them out like 2 days ago but they’re so damn picky. They don’t seem to realize that I have things I do and I was out all day today and yesterday and on top of that it’s been raining like hell and not exactly the most logical time to do it.

On top of all this there’s the stress from my dads condition in general which is annoying as hell.

So anyway, I get home and have about an hour or two to myself (I hadn’t remembered the boxes, on top of that, still pouring outside) I walk up and they start yelling at me and shit so I grab the keys I was looking for and just walk away, I don’t want to deal with their bullshit. They’re flipping out and making it out to be that they’re doing it for my dad, as if my dad cares about some boxes on the god damn floor, he’s more of a slob then I ever will be. You know what he does care about though? The tires on his car.

Which is what I was helping out with, until the constant disturbances. I skipped eating dinner because I’m so stressed from it all I lost my appetite. Old people piss me off, I swear all old people are total nags, they just use their age as an excuse to boss me around.

Know what’s even more ridiculous? The boxes were for two lamps which I generously built for them. I’m tired of this bullshit. I do them favors and fix the god damn tv when they screw something up (like not turning it on or some other stupid crap) and I get nothing but bitching in return. I need to move out of here.

I hate everyone in this house, other than me and my cat. It’d be nice if someone here didn’t suck every once in a while.

How many years will it take before people realize god doesn’t exist? I’m serious.

Also, what’s with military commercials? Who in their right mind wants to do that shit? Sure it might pay but at the expensive of all dignity.

Anyway, I’ve been due for a list of things I hate (and people) for a while so let’s get started.

People who join the military
People who believe in god
People who say they were “just like you”
People who are ignorant (see above)
People who nag me to do unimportant tasks
People who are unable to learn anything without personal tutoring
People who like pop music
People who like disney
People who like copyright
People who like prohibition
People who argue invalid points, never get them across, and still do it anyway
People who say hysterical instead of hilarious
People who put the toilet paper roll on backwards (you know who you are)
People who like the PT Crusier, Honda Element, H2, Minivans, or SUV’s made by sports car manufacturers.
People who have no taste (see above)
Ad Council/AntiDrug/Truth Commercials
Propaganda
Advertisement
Apple
iPods
Elitists
Companies/trade groups that consistently screw people over in the name of good
Politicians
People who vote for republicans/democrats and actually think they made a difference
People who insist voting makes a difference
Vote commercials made by MTV
Viacom
People who disagree with me publicly then later on agree with me
People who disagree with me only later to agree with me and then at the end make it seem we agreed all along, as if to avoid admitting they changed their mind because of me
People who use logical fallacies
People who’s names are pronounced differently than they are spelled
People who say they are being sarcastic when they were just lying or being abusive
People who like something just because of how expensive it is
People who are blind to their own stupidity
People who disagree with the things I said here
Dolphins
Horses
Dogs
Humans

Well how about that, people like me. That I hate. They keep coming back, they want more action! I guess without their daily dose of me they’re not as much of a man.

When you meet people who use logic like this: “Well I guess that seemed like it could be possibly certain” then you’ll understand where I’m coming from.

Why do people refuse logic anyway? I mean it’s like they don’t want to be right, and be right at the same time. They want to be wrong and have that be right, because it’s easier to accept. It’s easier to be wrong and think you’re right then it is to change your point of view, I suppose. It’s easier to be ignorant when you’re an egoist. That way nothing defeats you.

I suppose the real problem is people who challenge me and come unprepared. So while they’re running around with their pants down and using logical fallacies, I usually just point out what I know but without turning that into a fixed belief. People seem to be offended by that.

It’s like even if I lose I win because I’m not putting anything up for stakes, and I only gain new knowledge from any loss. Too bad I rarely lose, but that’s not my fault. It’s because too many people are believers and take a debate too personally. It’s not about who’s the most right or what not, it’s about discovering the truth and other alternative possibilities. It’s about new knowledge.

The human ego doesn’t seem to like that idea, and competition has been programmed into too many peoples minds. I’ve never considered myself very competitive and with good reason – what’s the point?

Why does winning matter so much? Why do people always insist that I won’t admit I’m wrong when they can’t prove their point? Why are people so illogical? Why do peoples ego’s work on the idea that if they’re wrong that it’s somehow bad? Why is society based upon beliefs and traditions which serve no real purpose and only seem to be based off illogicality? Why do we proclaim ourselves to be the smartest specie?

Guess what it’s time for? Yes that’s right, cat comparisons.

Human egos are hurt after failure
Cats acts like failure doesn’t even exist and proceed to the next task
Human egos are fragile and easily broken
I wouldn’t even know how to hurt a cats ego
Humans use illogicality to prove they are right, even when they’re not
Cats do what they want and don’t care about being right or wrong not to mention having no need to use illogical methods, just basic trial and error
Humans are so full of themselves that they think they’re superior to other species and at the same time degrade themselves.
Cats usually know when to give up.

More than ever I seem to get people asking, so, what do you do with your time? Since they all apparently think I sit around doing nothing all day as if it’s possible to do absolutely nothing without doing something.

So what do I say? Oh, the typical bullshit that gets them to go away, and while what I say isn’t a lie it’s far from the full story and enough to shut them up. So I say…oh..listen to music, talk to friends, read the news, etc. And while I do those things, the spontaneous events that pop up during the day occupy just as much time in my life as they do in anyone else’s.

What do people think that because I don’t spend 6-8 hours a day at school that I don’t find another way to make that time up? You’d have to be pretty damn thick to think that I just sit there doing nothing for that long. I mean come on, I’m not some chinese zen master meditating on a rock on the top of mount everest for a month without food or water.

What does it matter what I do anyway? I don’t ask what other people do. Am I supposed to ask, oh what did you do in school today? No, because I couldn’t give a rats ass. It’s all predictable and useless. Oh, but I might occasionally get the desperately-trying-to-be-funny story of the day. You know, the one where sally spilled her milk and went to pick it up and you could see a poop stain on her underwear! OH MY GOD it was so funny I couldn’t stop laughing. omgomgomg. I’m sure you know the kind of bullshit I’m talking about. It’s useless idle chatter that I don’t need to hear.

Then they might ask me how I’m doing? How the hell do you think I’m doing? My dad has fucking cancer and my life is collapsing around me, what the hell do you think, my life is peachy? And I’m just as tired of people who think I’ve lived a golden life just because my parents had money. Sorry but money doesn’t equal happiness. I thought everyone knew that.

And I’m tired of the expectation that everyone under 18 is going to school. It makes me wish I could go blow up some schools and wipe out the motherfuckers all together that way I don’t have to hear this bullshit. I don’t care if you think school teaches people, it doesn’t do anything for me so get the hell over it. I don’t care what your capitalist society has brought you up to think, and for all I care you can shove it right up your ass.

Why is it that most services that are supposed to do good usually end up doing bad? Why is it that doing “good” is usually always done by the greedy? Why the fuck is the world so stupid? It’s starting to hit me like a ton of bricks how stupid the world is and how easy it would be to change but since the world is full of followers and followers don’t like to change it’s like an everlasting loop of bullshit.

It’d be nice if we had a stupid elimination process in which we could just dedicate a whole country to stupid people and ship them all there, then have a crew of certified testers to weed out any smart children the stupid people may have and ship them to one of the un-stupid countries. I think we can just assume that all greedy capitalist pigs are stupid so lets just send all the people who run giant monopolies to the united-states-of-stupid right now. Oh wait, they’re already there.

I really am starting to hate people more and more to the point where I just don’t want to talk to anyone because I’ll find all these things I don’t like about them right away. One or two things I hate about them I can put up with, but when it’s like their whole life is based upon something that I hate, it’s just like…go away. It’s not like that with everyone but when it’s like 99% of the people I run into its almost easier to just avoid all new people then it is to worry about finding the ones I don’t mind. Kind of sad eh? And amazing at the same time, that so many people are so stupid.

How do you know if I hate you? Well it’s easy, I probably will nod off or make noises at you instead of talking to you, and answer your silly small talk with sarcasm. Even family bond isn’t enough to stop me from hating you, I don’t care who you are, if you’re stupid in my book, that’s just how it is. Also, I hate kids. Especially american kids. Bring out the gas chambers lets kill them all.

I saw some sign today on the road it was like Don’t need to abort! With a picture of a black baby and a little thing under it saying “pro-life education” or some shit and a phone number. I wanted to kill 10 babies just out of spite.

I hate kids and their damn pop music and idolism and watching brainless tv shows about relationships and other senseless bullshit which even my cat would be able to tell is stupid. Oh yeah, if you watch american idol, I probably hate you.

Why is it that all recent cars and computer cases are ugly? What is with this? Why has everyones taste dropped so dramatically to the point where the amount of money you spent and the supposed “safety” features are more important then the actual design of the car?

I mean come on it’s one thing to just want a car to get you places but just because a car is a piece of shit doesn’t mean it has to be ugly. So I’m here to determine the problem.

Japanese people.

Ok, not really. It’s the people buying the crap that have the problem. I can’t even imagine the conversation leading some half intelligent person to buy one of those ugly new minivans or any new recent car. With headlights curved into the body all streamline like yet ugly as shit, with over abundant use of plastic and the color yellow, the car industry has gone down the drain.

Even companies once known for producing nice cars are starting to get into ugly territory. Look at the new BMW 7 series. Now kill yourself. See?

So what is the deal? Why are people buying ugly cars? You ever hear that the look of a car has emotion cause the grill and headlights make it look like a face or some crap like that? Well just think of the emotion someone who bought a Honda Element has and you’ve realized that modern society has just gone down the drain. I’m tired of ugly cars.

And computer cases apparently have this same fate. More plastic, more ugly conflicting colors. Why has all design and artistic process gone down the drain in the commercial world? Why has everything become even more robotic like in behavior? Why does capitalism gone wrong turn into a broken communism? What is with pet dogs? Why do people voluntarily make noises when they sneeze? What the fuck?